Summer: Part 1

After several grueling months of the stressful partying, socializing, and procrastination that we college students call school, it is always a welcome relief to enter the period of non-stressful, non-illicit partying, socializing, and procrastination that we call summer. The primary difference between school and summer is that in the summer, no excuses are necessary. However, there are several other differences as well, which is why this post is the first in a series. Each part will describe one difference. Sort of like a compare/contrast essay, but without the compare.

Perhaps the least pleasant difference between school and summer is living at home. In school, pizza crusts are meant to be on the floor. If you didn't have any pizza crusts on the floor, your roommate would eye you warily, like a deer who has just realized that your antlers are fake and you have a gun under your coat. Unlike the deer, however, he wouldn't run. He would simply supply the pizza crusts from his own generous stock.

At home, things are a bit different. The first time you leave pizza crusts on the floor, you wake up to find that they have mysteriously disappeared. The second time, you wake up to find that your mom's hand is slapping your face and pointing to a trash bag intended for your use. The third time, you wake to find the same thing. And so on.

This experience causes many college students to be wary of their moms. After all, what sort of mess might she take a disliking to next? But beware of such attitudes—moms are actually a very valuable part of life. They love you, they are always there for you, and they usually do your laundry. At least one day of the week every summer, you may wake up to find that your floor is visible. This is because at some point in the night (say, 10:00 AM), your mom has cleared all the dirty laundry out and washed it for you. You can reward her with a smile and a kiss, which is a bargain compared to the laundromat.

Apart from moms, though, home has its drawbacks. For one thing, night time starts at an ungodly hour there—usually only a little while after sundown. For another, you are expected to do chores and keep clean. Somehow, your family isn't as understanding as your professors are. Try saying something like, "Hey, I was up till three in the morning last night getting ready to mow the lawn because I totally put it off till the last minute. Do you just have a copy of last year's lawnmow that I can tweak?" and chances are, you'll get a kick in the pants instead of the pity you deserve.

But what can you say? The goods, the bads, the ups, the downs—those are what summers are made of. Procrastination and laziness are the

[We apologize that the author could not be contacted to finish this post. It is believed that he is asleep at this time.]

Yipeeeeee!

I am out of breath and sweating like a ten-year old during recess. My heart is thundering like the pistons of a sports car and I have a few residual shakes from some caffeine induced late night studying. But I can still shout and sing and type and do everything to tell the world how happy I am that my last final of my last class of my last semester at community college is COMPLETE!

Nary a few minutes ago, I waltzed (1-2-3, 1-2-3) out of class, the warmth of my professor’s handshake still impressed on my palm. It isn’t that far behind me, but I’ve already scrubbed my memory clean of everything I learned this semester. Descartes, Hume and Guano (or was it Guanillo?) can go back to being their dead, aspirated selves. Nutrition class’ subtle condemnation of my eating habits is free to return to obscurity. My soils book will return to, well, the dirt from whence it came.

A half opened packaged of dehydrated Ramen noodles reminds me of my hunger – I read once that fasting can help retain facts, and was in the 15^th hour of self deprivation – but only briefly. My emotional state will not let me dwell on my empty stomach for long. My feelings can only be described as giddy; summer vacation is upon us; if you listen closely you can almost hear it hailing – or is that the ceiling fan?

I won’t know my grades for another few days, but right now I really don’t care. I’d go on a date with Phil Spector, that’s how reckless I am. I’d open my eyes in chlorinated water and wait for my contacts to float out. I’d snort Tabasco sauce and put ground pepper on the little thing that hangs down in the back of my mouth. And that’s just the first week of summer.

I promised a friend that I would run around the house three times in my underwear if I get an “A” in my difficult philosophy class. Well, it looks like that seemingly far fetched prediction may come to fruition and I’m a man of my word. If you plan on coming near my place in the next week, also plan on averting your eyes.

Whatever else happens this summer, school classes are not in the cards. I am taking a not-so-well deserved but heavily anticipated three month break from homework, study groups and tests. But that doesn’t mean FCN content will be stopped, or even siphoned. If anything, some time outside the classroom may provide even more fodder for humor and satire. I (and all of FCN, for that matter) will be taking a brief vacation within the next month – nothing too long, just some time away to recharge – but more about that later.

Right now I am going to enjoy the depth of life without responsibility. It’s great to know that I may get up tomorrow morning at a godly hour or I may – with the same consequences – sleep in. My pillow will become my new best friend, sorry Jeremy.

The emotional high is beginning to rub off and the old stressful concern about my grades is seeping in again. That means it's time to go eat and satisfy the hunger that is now threatening to make me look European. I’ll see you guys after the gorge.

Oh, I’m so happy!