Notice to Employees #2

Note: The following is a personal email I received. I republish it here with very few edits:

Hope you and the family is in enjoying the vacation. Everything is going well. We have the Wednesday screening in morning. I have coordinated with everybody involved. Ch, Personnel Operations is having a division Mtg at 1500 tomorrow, just wants to be updated and what's been happening. I was going to have Kay update the slides that you briefed a week or so ago. RM SGM called yesterday wanting to talk to you about adding new initiatives to their finance briefing for the Course. Will not cause any work on our part. He wants finance to come over twice for about 5 minutes each to make sure they're making progress on completing their vouchers on DTS/Virtual before the class ends to make sure they get everything they're entitled. I told him that we are having the computer divisions have our NIPR lines go hot, so they can down load the documents we need from them for the course. He says that a finance software program needs to be added before they access they're finance system back at their unit(AF). Do you want me to try to coordinate with the computer people? It may push what you're trying to do back if they try to get this software added. How do you want me to proceed? I will check with the computer and see if they have the program first and see if they do have it will it push our work order back. If it would not I will go ahead and have them add the finance software the RM is talking about. SOP is good to go. Security wanted a few things added and it was accomplished. The question is who do you want to sign it in your absence (The Director) or (Ch, Personnel Operations) or someone else? The other section of security is handling the back ground check form. She told me she will probably have the forms back by Thursday. We have forms on everybody that's authorized by you. Those people that's the background check is being done on, we can just create an access roster, which is the only missing piece. The NCOIC will walk everybody through the procedures once we get everything back signed and approved. At this time no major emails have came up in your inbox. Enjoy your vacation.

Notice to Employees #1

Due to an unprecedented increase in complaints, spurious comments and threatening emails, the We CareTM hotline is no longer responding to employee complaints. The firm still cares deeply about its labor force and wants nothing more than to see you healthy, at work and not scaring the customers. We still care; we just don't care as much. This message is being posted in all public places to remind you of your rights as employees and encourage active and safe labor participation. And we want to keep you from abusing your rights and harassing others. We understand that you may experience unpleasant conditions periodically. Our human resources department routinely informs our legal department via lengthy memoranda of the dire plight of our employee welfare policies. We are fully aware of the impact the abysmal work conditions have on your aptitude and general humor. We are so aware, in fact, that we do not need a barrage of self-esteem depressing emails like the record 189 we received last Wednesday, several of which were from obviously made up emails like "xyackzee@gmail.com." How would you feel, xyackzee@gmail.com, if your inbox were inundated with deprecating messages of spite and hate so torrid they burned your eyes. How would you like it if were were unable to find the RSVP notice for the CEO's birthday bash at the best Penthouse Suite in The City? Because that's what happened to me on Wednesday night after I spilled coffee on my tie and forgot my directions in the hurry to leave and couldn't locate them up because they had been moved out of my "quick list" by your incessant complaints. I realize you don't get coffee during your breaks and your income doesn't suffer you to afford the sort of communications technology that allows others (me!) to check my "quick list" on the go, xyackzee@gmail.com, but these differences would not exist if you had worked a few more years in school and earned your MBA like me. Junior executives are allowed to attend the CEO's party wearing coffee stained ties, carry expensive PDAs and date other Junior executives. And Janet is an excellent reason to hang on to school for another year. Salespeople in their third year are not able to do those thing. And, after this notice, you will not be able to complain either.

Would anyone who sees and reads this notice please send a spam email message to xyackzee@gmail.com? Please complain about his health insurance policy and question the merits of his marketing strategy. Tell him you don't like his logo and want to get a new mouse pad. Let's see how that makes him feel. Or, you can sign up his email for various spam online. Lot's of news sites ask for your email address. Give them his. Apparently, he likes to email. A lot!