Many people hold the belief that Wikipedia is "editable." By that we mean that Wikipedia is quite tasty and will cause no harm to one's stomach when consumed. Or is that "eatable?" We don't know what we mean. Mommy E, a little help?
Semantics aside, anyone who has tried to add themselves to Wikipedia knows that the process of editing the site can be quite cantankerous; Jimmy Wales doesn't let just anyone mess up his cyber love child.
While it's very easy to make a new article, it's very difficult to have your article published on the official wiki web system. Some have compared the process to Biblical canonization. Apparently Wikipedia expects you to have done something outstandingly amazing to merit a listing, which probably excludes most of the people we spend our time with and eviscerates any chance of our getting in because of our own achievements.
To help all those poor souls who would otherwise spend their remaining days in wiki oblivion, we have composed an extensive (meaning more than four) list of easy ways to make the big time.
"On July 5, 1999, Thor Alex Kappfjell was killed in a jump off Kjerag mountain in Norway. Having lost his bearings in the night fog, he crashed into the side of the mountain. His body was found at the base of the cliff, parachute open. Fellow jumpers suspected that he hit the face of the cliff and slid down. He was 32 years old."
Pros - Requires nothing more than a building and your feet (the parachute is, of course, optional). Generally very easy to do. Is stylish.
Cons - Can be difficult to climb to the top of a building. Requires advance notice of the media which may impede ability to perform if law enforcement becomes involved. May result in injury or death (as per our disclaimer, CN is not responsible for any unintended consequences of an attempt).
2. Become A Nobody
And you always thought you had to be somebody to be baptized into Wikipedia. Think again. You can't be just anybody, someone or a random Joe, but you can be a nobody.
Pros - None
3. Rip Someone Off
As long as it's an original and big heist, Wikipedia will have no choice but to take notice. We would give you our ideas, but we're saving them. Develop your own sense of creativity!
Pros - Few things are easier than stealing from someone else. This is a "double dunk" in the eyes of wikipedia; you will be mentioned, first, because you are a thief, and second, for being a big, fat, jerk.
Cons - You may be unpopular. You break the law. You become closer friends than you want to be with a passel of unsavory characters in your state's detention center. You lose respect. You rip someone off. You sacrifice your dignity and enter the scum of the earth lottery.
4. Reinvent The Wheel
"Spinners are wheel covers which spin independently of the wheel itself when the brakes are applied. This is achieved by using a roller bearing. Typically, the spinners are attached onto existing custom wheels, but there are a couple of exceptions; Dub Spinners and Omega Spinners are the most notable."
Pros - It's been done once, it can be done again.
Cons - You risk inventing something really dumb.
It's a crap shoot, but sometimes marrying someone who is already worthy of making Wikipedia or having children that Wikipedia decides to shower with affection actually works. I love to read those entries that list people who, according to Wiki, have done nothing in their lives but marry the right person. So lucky. They should spread the love. People who are going to make it to Wikipedia automatically (like Jenna Bush) should marry someone who stands no chance, that way she can bless a "nobody" with wikifame.
Pros - Includes a spouse.
Cons - Includes a spouse.
Here at CN, we are still trying to decide the best option. If we opt for the building hop, we'll let you know in advance so you can capture the YouTube footage.
P.S. Jenna, honey, I'll always be here. If you want to drop me a line, we can talk. I really think we have a future. Call me, ok?
