25 Reasons Not to Defenestrate Yourself

1) The wooden desk in front of the window does not give freely.
2) The first pane of glass is painful.
3) The second pane of glass is painful.
4) The plastic molding holding the panes of glass together are stubborn.
5) The plastic dividers on the window are not amenable to breakage.
6) The screen.
7) The drop.
8) The landing.
9) The cost of cleaning up the mess.
10) The cost of repairing the window.
11) Explaining to relatives.
12) There are better ways of leaving a building.
13) Gravity.
14) The laundry.
15) The emulative friends.
16) The friends who won't understand.
17) The friends who will understand.
18) The difficulty of reentering the building.
19) The people on the ground.
20) Trees and other scratchy green things.
21) Your back.
22) Your knees.
23) The fun doesn't last.
24) The "fun" may end up lasting.
25) It's not original.

Wake Me Up When The Quarter Ends

In honor of Spring Break, a time off school that the FCN writers are enjoying by catching up on homework, I wrote the following lyrics that are intended to be set to the tune of Green Day's Wake Me Up When September Ends (Lyrics, mp3). Enjoy!

First half has come and passed
The freetime can never last
Wake me up when the quarter ends

My eyes are blank and glassed
Four long years don't go so fast
Wake me up when the quarter ends

Here comes class time again
When the weekend goes
Sitting in rows again
Writing funny notes

I badly need some rest
Never succeed on my tests
Wake me up when the quarter ends

First half has come and passed
The freetime can never last
Wake me up when the quarter ends

Dust off the books again
Pop a sleeping pill
Wake me up when the quarter ends

Here comes class time again
When the weekend goes
Sitting in rows again
Writing funny notes

I badly need some rest
Never succeed on my tests
Wake me up when the quarter ends

First half has come and passed
The freetime can never last
Wake me up when the quarter ends

My eyes are blank and glassed
Four long years don't go so fast
Wake me up when the quarter ends
Wake me up when the quarter ends
Wake me up when the quarter ends