Facebook Status Updates

We give you: The Top Four Most Annoying Facebook Status Update Styles

The Facebookitterer
This is the person who thinks their Facebook status update is supposed to function like a Twit. Updates may include the following:

John Smith is eating lunch.

Jess Smith is glad hubby is home to watch the baby...haven't been able to go to the bathroom all morning!

Elaine Craig is doing laundry.
Elaine Craig is folding laundry.
Elaine Craig is putting away laundry.
Elaine Craig clean laundry smells so nice!!!

The Confused Persons
This is the friend on your list who is a person confused by the concept of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd persons. They consistently write their updates in the first person, causing updates that read very oddly:

Grant Johnson I just had the greatest time ever at the beach!

Lizzy Jones me and my mom are loving this season of Dancing with the Stars!

Jane Victor I'm pregnant! Me and Bill are sooooo happy! Get the shotgun dad, lol

The I-Don't-Have-a-Life-So-I'll-Post-About-My-Family-Instead
The title pretty much says it all.

Elias Jones ' sister just came back from Costco with garlic bread!

Adrianna Ayers someone just pointed a gun at my brothers! YIKES! So glad they're OK!

David Daniels' parents just won a trip to Hawaii...wahoo! Can't wait for my lousy t-shirt!

The Trying Desperately to be Mysterious
This is the melodramatic person in your life who wants everyone to think their life is much more interesting than it actually is. They do this by posting vague, and sometimes worrisome, status updates:

Sarah Grant is trying to catch the rain.

Bryce Buckler sometimes, you have to die before you can live.

Good Idea/Bad Idea #20

Good idea: Taking goofy, embarrassing pictures with your best friends.

Bad idea: Uploading goofy, embarrassing pictures to Facebook.

25 Random Things: Miley Cyrus Edition

We at FCN have been able to access Miley Cyrus's Facebook profile through sources that will remain confidential. We found one of her recent notes to be particularly interesting, and will now re-distribute it here without permission. Enjoy, but don't tell the cybercops.


My 25 totally random things! =)

1. Pink isn't just a color, it's an attitude!


2. The number of years I dated Nick Jonas. LOSER.

3. I'm obsessed with brushing my teeth... it bugs Emily Osment, but whatev.

4. I tape Hannah Montana so I can study myself. You gotta love TiVo.

5. I'm a vegetarian, but I so totally love shrimp!

6. I have pet chickens. Isn't that hot?

7. I'm hypoglycemic. OHMYGOSH, I finally spelled it right!

8. I'm a fan of cosmetic dentistry.



9. I'm starting to get worn out. See here for an explanation of my demise.

10. Miley was totally not my real name. It was a nickname. My real name was Destiny. But I changed my name, so I'm all legal and everything now.

11. I'm not just a celebrity. I'm a corporation.

12. I totally heart Chinese people even though my slanty eyed pose thingy got slammed by the press. Bummer. Chinese people are totally boss. AND Chinese food rocks.



13. To prove that the above random fact is totally true, I decided to show that I am tolerant of ALL my fans! See here:



14. I've never taken formal singing lessons! Bet you couldn't tell, huh?

15. Dolly Parton is my godmother. That. Is. So. Messed. Up.

16. I could shop all day. Shocker!

17. I don't pose nude. Only partially nude. There's a big difference.

18. I date underwear models. But my daddy-poo approves.

19. Oh my goodness, there's a piece of glitter on the carpet!

20. And there's a piece of glitter on my shirt!

21. I'm working so hard to be a "good girl". My Disney career depends on it!

22. I'm a borderline schizophrenic. My alter ego has long blond hair and wears tight brightly colored pants.

23. I heart txting.

24. I look so fat in 3D. Time to go anorexic again.

25. I wear a promise ring. As soon as I can remember what the promise is, I can take it off. But I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by breaking a promise when I don't remember what it was!

Facebook Research: News Feed

Facebook.com. Enter. Click. ihatemyspace[at]somespace[dot]com. Tab. *******. Enter.

Hmmm… let’s see here. Jessica and Bryan just ended their relationship… bummer, I expected that to last longer.

Susan Jefferson is omigosh, I just like totally stubbed my toe! ouch lolz!!!!!!! Does she just keep getting blonder, or is it just me?

Collin Michaels wrote a new note. “16 random things (lol).” That’s only like the 12th one of those I’ve seen this week.

Dave Stewart just changed his about me to “I am a womanizer, and I’m not ashamed. I have a corvette and I…” I really don’t feel compelled to read the whole thing. There was more than enough information in that lovely preview.

Amelia Flannagan joined the cause “Save the rocks, don’t use pencils” Wow, that's so random. I think I’ll join just for the heck of it. Where would donations go? School of Rock? Maybe I'll write that on her wall...

Laura Warren commented on Ashley Weber’s photo. “Lololol idk y u taged me in this I look like a giraffe lol” Holy smokes, she does look like a giraffe in that picture… now that I think about it, she looks like a giraffe in real life too. Woah, bad mental image there.

Julia Nelson wrote on your wall. “you are so hott. we should hang out sometime! call me.” She’s desperate. But wait… I’m desperate too. Nevermind. Delete. It's nice to know I'm somewhat attractive, though.

Susan Jefferson became a fan of Charlie the Unicorn. So, that’s why she keeps saying “Shun the non-believers!”

Nate Harmon and Chris Gordon are attending “Hug a cheerleader day.” Slightly disturbing, but an intriguing concept. I bet a cheerleader with low self-esteem created that event.

837 of your friends changed their profile pictures... I have way too many Facebook friends.

Time for a new status change. Hmmm… “(my name deleted) is realizing how much time he wastes reading his news feed. I am such a creeper.”

Will you be my friend?

You want to be cool. The cool kids have friends. You want to have friends. Here's how:

Make eye contact and smile, even when the other person is ugly and eye contact is painful.

Tell people you like their hair. People like to hear things about their hair. Don't be specific ("the grease in your hair has a great sheen") -- you'll only get into trouble.

Poke the person. That will get them interested. This is especially important if they start to fall asleep.

Say something. Anything.

Keep your shirt on, even if you think it would be entertaining to take it off.

Use pejorative language sparingly, especially as it relates to your conversation partner.

Use technology like phone, text, email and smoke signals to communicate. You can speak in person too.

Make sure the other person knows your name. Remind them of it occasionally in case they forget. If you forget the other person's name, you can ask them to remind you.

Apply pressure. Chide them for failing to invite you to be their friend. Call repeatedly at odd hours to get their attention and show you care.

Take it slowly, but make sure it takes.

Use the other person's secrets for leverage to get more friends. This will test your ability to listen and repeat.

Remember their birthday.

Miss a couple of promised events to keep things interesting.

When you are ready to make the big leap, push the add friend button. With all this wooing, your new Facebook friend should accept post haste.