Be a nice boss.
If you aren't a nice boss, don't bring two bb guns, a shotgun, and a handgun to work.
If you do become agitated with an employee for sarcasm, don't threaten him with a gun.
Don't lie to the person helping you exchange a ten for change.
If you are going to lie to the person giving you change for a ten, don't steal the cash register when he doesn't help you quick enough.
If you are going to lie and steal the cash register from the person giving you change for a ten, come up with a better escape plan than running on foot down the street.
Don't steal.
If you are going to steal, don't hold up the security guard of a parked armored car.
If you are going to steal from the security guard of a parked armored car, don't burn your getaway vehicle before you have committed the crime.
If you realize you have set your getaway vehicle on fire before stealing from the security guard of a parked armored car, just don't commit the crime instead of taking the money and burning it as the police arrive.
Don't drink twice the legal alcohol limit.
If you are going to get drink twice the legal alcohol limit, don't drive.
If you are going drive after drinking twice the legal alcohol limit, don't keep doing it after your 8th DUI ticket.
If you are on your 9th DUI ticket for drinking twice the legal alcohol limit, it's probably easier to just pull over instead of slamming into several parked vehicles, destroying neighborhood yards, and fleeing from a police officers before crashing into a tree.
If you don't have a license, don't drive.
If you are going to drive without a license, don't steal a truck because you don't have a vehicle.
If you are going to drive a stolen truck without a license, don't drive drunk.
If you are going to drive a stolen truck drunk without a license, don't flash your vehicle lights at a police officer and then run.
If you are going to flash your truck lights at a cop after driving a stolen truck drunk without a license, beware of deep ditches that may stop your high speed car chase.
Please don't rob banks.
If you do rob banks, don't keep a personal journal of your brilliant plans.
If you do keep a personal journal of your brilliant plans for bank thievery, don't bring it to the scene of the crime.
Do not cultivate illegal cannabis plants in your house.
If you must cultivate illegal cannabis plants in your house, do not hang out in front of a police academy.
If you must cultivate illegal cannabis plants in your house and hang out in front of a police academy, do not do burnouts outside the academy.
If you must cultivate illegal cannabis plants in your house, hang out in front of a police academy and do burnouts outside the academy, do not do so while the academy his hosting a graduation.
Don't use an electric heat gun unless you know how to do so safely.
If you must use an electric heat gun without knowledge of proper safety procedures, do not use it to defrost your car's window.
If you must use an electric heat gun without knowledge of proper safety procedures to defrost your car's window, do not use it in your garage.
Don't take away your girlfriend's beer.
If you must take away your girlfriend's beer, make sure your girlfriend is not Angela Amodio.
Do not try to steal tires off of vehicles at a car dealership.
If you must try to steal tires off of vehicles at a car dealership and are interrupted by the authorities, do not run away.
If you must try to steal tires off of vehicles at a car dealership and run away when interrupted by the authorities, do not taunt the police.
Don't deny the Holocaust.
If you must deny the Holocaust, do not decorate your living room with war books, German combat knives and swastikas.
If you must deny the Holocaust, decorate your living room with war books, German combat knives and swastikas, do not name your son after the most infamous mass murder of all time.
Do not dine and dash.
If you must dine and dash, do not forget your purse.
If you must dine and dash and forget your purse, do not have marijuana in your forgotten purse.
If you must dine and dash, forget your purse and have marijuana in your forgotten purse, do not return to the restaurant to retrieve your lost accessory.
If you must dine and dash, forget your purse, have marijuana in your forgotten purse and return to the restaurant to retrieve your lost accessory, don’t be Miss Teen Louisiana USA.
Don't drive drunk.
If you do drive drunk, don't run stop signs and crash into mailboxes.
If you do drive drunk, run stop signs and crash into mailboxes, please pull over when pursued by the police.
If you do drive drunk, run stop signs and crash into mailboxes while being pursued by the police, don't take your high-speed car chase to the school district neighborhood just as children are walking home.
Get a decent job.
If you can't get a decent job, find something better to sell than old bullet casings.
If you can't get a decent job or find something better to sell than old bullet casings, get the bullets out of the casings by shooting them (not by sticking them in a vice and hammering the ends).
If you can't get a decent job, find something better to sell than old bullet casings, or empty the casings the normal way, don't shoot yourself in the stomach.
