Signs of Outward Success

We know that real beauty is found on the inside and that no matter how wealthy or outwardly successful someone is, they can be a scum sucking scumbag on the inside. Phrased differently, Shirley who works at the convenience store is shining brighter on the inside than Uncle Wally who drives caddy.

While we know this, it is still nice to look at signs of outward success. These are ways you can estimate the individual wealth of a person without conducting an invasive auditing of their tax records. A successful individual will have...

...Name on underwear.
...Google rating >100,000.
...Steak every evening.
...>2 civil cases pending constantly.
...At least one service sector employee (lawyer, mechanic, masseuse) in constant employment.
...Church or beverage named after you.
...Chain of domestic service command.
...>3 refrigerators.
...>4 fireplaces.
...>2 filled piercings, at least one of which must be occupied by a 4 carat diamond.
...No hotel pens in entire mansion.
...Personal bouncer.
...64 piece entertainment system with a 3-year Geek Squad warranty.
...4-lane freeway as a driveway.
...LeBron James as personal basketball trainer.
...24/7 security to guard against impatient heirs.

Shaving Strike

I am going on a shaving strike; I am not shaving until we go to war with Iran.

Wake Me Up When The Quarter Ends

In honor of Spring Break, a time off school that the FCN writers are enjoying by catching up on homework, I wrote the following lyrics that are intended to be set to the tune of Green Day's Wake Me Up When September Ends (Lyrics, mp3). Enjoy!

First half has come and passed
The freetime can never last
Wake me up when the quarter ends

My eyes are blank and glassed
Four long years don't go so fast
Wake me up when the quarter ends

Here comes class time again
When the weekend goes
Sitting in rows again
Writing funny notes

I badly need some rest
Never succeed on my tests
Wake me up when the quarter ends

First half has come and passed
The freetime can never last
Wake me up when the quarter ends

Dust off the books again
Pop a sleeping pill
Wake me up when the quarter ends

Here comes class time again
When the weekend goes
Sitting in rows again
Writing funny notes

I badly need some rest
Never succeed on my tests
Wake me up when the quarter ends

First half has come and passed
The freetime can never last
Wake me up when the quarter ends

My eyes are blank and glassed
Four long years don't go so fast
Wake me up when the quarter ends
Wake me up when the quarter ends
Wake me up when the quarter ends

Please check your calendars...

If you didn't fall for yesterday's post, please enjoy a hearty laugh and a pat on the back.

If you did fall for yesterday's post, you please endure a hearty laugh and a pat on the back.

Shutting down was our way of putting a goofy fish on your back. This post is our way of removing it.

Our practical joke, though entirely unoriginal and completely hokey, was inspired by a similar one conducted by Google. Some years ago, Google announced on April Fool's Day that it would offer over 2 Gigabytes of storage to users on its Gmail service. That's more storage than an Ipod Shuffle. The internet world was stunned. Offering that much room was an unprecedented act of web generosity. To think, no longer would spam deletion be necessary. No longer would the email entry page warn of impeding capacity issues. No longer would hard drives be necessary.

But then reality hit, it was April Fool's Day. No one could give that much space away free. Saddened but enlightened, Gmail users returned to business as usual without astronomical amounts of free storage space.

Yesterday, however, Google broke the trend of introducing false plans as a joke and actually brought out a real idea for users to evaluate. We here at FCN loved Google TiSP (BETA) so much that, beginning tomorrow, we are publishing our webpage exclusively with TiSP. Maybe it will work for your home as well?

Happy April fools!

P.S. We owe a big thanks to everyone who felt a tinge of sadness at the prospect of losing FCN. Your emotion, though entirely irrational and misdirected, did do a little to brighten our day. There was someone who was sorry to see us go, wasn't there?

The End of FCN

We are saddened to announce that, effective tomorrow, Funny Class Notes will be shutting down. Our site will be eliminated, torn from the internet, scrubbed from the web, kaput. There will be no more Funny Class Notes; the drab oblong diatribes of the DailyKos will be the only palatable humor in the blogosphere. That's right, we are going away.

If you've followed us as authors for any period of time, you will understand that we lead very busy lives and probably have a decent excuse for shutting down a humor blog, even if it has garnered a following of five readers. But we aren't quitting because we don't have time to write; we're quitting because we don't have anything to write. That's right, we are plum out of ideas. We're drier than Nancy Pelosi counting roll. We've reached the bottom of the barrel, the end of the road, the last lizard in the zoo. To top it off, Holly doesn't like us.

It's been a wonderful journey, through the social critiques, expert advice, sports reports, generalizations, lame jokes, life tips, episodes of the Desperate Student, and true stories. We've come a long way since we were founded back in 1821, including moving through 4 google pages accounts, the last of which had a reader. We will miss every unwritten word that calls to us during our classes, and every eloquent response that we never read. We will even miss the ineloquent and insulting comments, some of which were awesome in a piquesh sort of way.

That said, Daniel has one more thing he wants to write before we do shut it down and I'd hate to pull the rug out from under him and remove his audience. Check back in tomorrow for the final bow of FCN and our last ever post. 'Till then, so long, farewell and I bid you all adieu (which is French for "you have beautiful eyes").

It's been a great year, and we wish all five of you the very best.

We love you guys,

The FCN Team

PS. Don't forget to delete your bookmarks!