It was Cold

The other day, we had a cold snap.
We knew it the moment we woke up.
The cold woke us up.
I mean, it was cold.
It was so cold you could cut it with a knife.

It was so cold, you could hear it.

It was so cold, the brain freeze numbed the pain.

It was so cold, we cast lots for the stove seat.

It was so cold, opening the freezer door was a capital offense.

It was so cold, we found friends-and-family-shaped ice statues all over the house.

It was so cold, we didn't need to put our ice cream away.

What we were doing with ice cream, I don't know.

It was so cold, Mr President had pity on the working man.

It was so cold, we slept UNDER the mattress.

It was so cold, the penguins came over to cool off.

It was so cold, PG&E had a touch of remorse.

Just kidding.

It was so cold, not even the FCN fan letters warmed our hearts.

It was so cold, we didn't need hair gel.

It was so cold, the White Witch made an offer on the house.

It was so cold, we could see our breath scampering back into our mouths for warmth.

It was so cold, the gardenburgers tasted okay.

It was so cold, we started a gas leak to keep warm.

It was so cold, the microwave joined the dark side.

It was so cold, we huddled with Nancy Pelosi for warmth.

It was so cold, we tried to burn the house and failed.


- Special thanks to an FCN fan who helped compile this list.