What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

25 things not to do at the dinner table...

Taken from Amy Vanderbilt and personal experience...

1) Compliment the food and then ask why it tastes so much worse than usual.
2) Dilute the stew with water from your cup.
3) Dilute the stew with milk from your cup.
4) Strain water out from your stew into your water cup using your hands as an improvised colander.
5) Talk about Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi or Michael Jackson.
6) Wear headphones.
7) Raise your hand to ask a question.
8) Take notes.
9) Read back from your notes during the conversation.
10) Use your fork as anything other than an eating utensil.
11) Bend the tines on your fork for better mastication assistance.
12) Use the term "mastication assistance."
13) Take food from a passing tray with your hands.
14) Justify the taking of food from a passing tray with your hands.
15) Apologize for taking food from a passing tray with your hands.
16) Ask questions about the nutritional qualities of the meal.
17) Wonder out loud about the pesticides used on the vegetables.
18) Mention the PETA poster posted to your cubicle wall and describe in detail the images displayed thereon.
19) Bounce you knee up and down to get a cardiovascular workout.
20) Say "PETA poster posted prettily" three times fast.
21) Ask what the menu will look like tomorrow.
22) Wonder aloud if the meat at the table once had dark or light fur.
23) Sing an Avril Lavigne song and/or attempt to lead others in an Avril Lavigne song.
24) Draw comparisons between the taste of the food to anything eaten during last summer's family camping trip.
25) Ask how long it will be until the meal ends.


Lazrmagnt said...

wow. lol

The idiot said...

I am going to have to try some of these.

Thanks for the ideas!

guitarbob said...

i love number 5,6,12,9,22, and 23...19 hits too close to home heehee

dwight said...

Wow, this blog is amazing. However, I disagree with numbers 7 through 9. How else should I show my friends how much I care about what they're saying?