What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Damon to Make Fourth Bourne Movie

HOLLYWOOD, CA (FCN) -- Action hero and reigning Sexiest Man Alive Matt Damon has agreed to make a fourth Bourne film with the not-so-sexy director Paul Greengrass. Set to be released sometime in the year 2010, the movie will bring a smile to shoot 'em up fans the world over.

"We really couldn't not make this movie," explained Greengrass, using his trademark double negative. "I mean, artistically, cinemagraphically and [most importantly] financially it makes a world of sense for Universal Pictures to try and one-up the last movie, even if it means an eight figure paycheck to me."

The story will pick up where the last film left off - with Jason Bourne floating in the East River, presumably not dead. While script writers are mum about the storyline, moviegoers are already making plot predictions.

"This answers the question that's been sticking in my craw for the last, you know, since I left the theater," began an ardent fan of the franchise who wanted his name withheld. "I mean, was Bourne still alive? You've got that smile from the cute chick with the short hair after she sees his picture on TV, but anyone can smile, you know? It's just a matter of turning the corners of your lips up and relaxing your eyes. That really doesn't tell you whether or not he's kicked the bucket. Unless they plan on bringing in a new hero in the new film - like having Jack Bauer take over for Bourne - Jason's got to still be alive."

According to the Internet Movie Database, several actors from the earlier films have attached their names to the new production, not the least of which is Matt Damon himself.

"I just had to do it," began Damon in a phone interview with FCN shortly after E! News scooped everyone by announcing the new film before Universal's Press Release confirming the story, a risky yet rewarding journalistic strategy. "After I read the petition prepared by Funny Class Notes, there was no way I could break the hearts of so many fans and step on the man crush of that one pathetic contributor you guys have. I had to make the movie."

Damon's sentiments may ring with the sound of fan friendliness, but they are most likely motivated by hefty financial incentives.

"Look: I don't want to be typecast as some kind of action hero in the mold of Arnold or Bruce," Damon intoned, referencing California's governor and the former wrestler. "I mean, look at the women those guys have ended up with. The only way I'd do this is if the money were right. A man's gotta feed his children and this sexy face ain't getting any more attractive. At some point I want to let myself go physically and just do artsy roles, like Jack Nicholson; but for now, I can't ignore the call of the dime."

For whatever the reason, Robert Ludlum's signature character will rise again on the big screen.


Bookworm said...

Hee hee... Hollywood never knows when enough is enough. Just look at the Rocky movies. Honestly, this would not surprise me.

DTH Rocket said...

You really interviewed Matt Damon?