Up with the Mission, Down with the Troops

We don't pretend to follow current events. In fact, we'll go ahead and say it: we don't follow current events. But one can't stand on street corners for very long before discovering that there's a war on in Iraq, after a certain fashion. After discovering this quite by accident a few weeks ago, the FCN team got to work gathering information and opinions for the following position paper. No good blog goes without an official opinion on the War in Iraq. Not even the bad ones can go without an opinion. Not even the Daily Kos can go without an opinion. We at FCN don't want to be left out. After examining all sides of the issue, we can sum up our position on the war as follows:

Up with the Mission
Down with the Troops

So many people today say: "I support the troops but not the mission." Frankly, this is nonsense. Throughout our nation's history, we have taken on some of the greatest and most idealistic missions ever concieved, from stopping terrorism to containing Nazi Germany to liberating Iraq. Anyone who can say with a straight face that these are bad things need to be thrown out the second story window. If you oppose the mission, sorry, but we don't even respect your opinion. Opposing the mission is pure stupidity.

Troops, however, are a terrible way to get things done. They break things, blow stuff up, and shoot people. They cost a lot, and they die all the time. If it weren't for soldiers, war wouldn't be such a bad thing. In fact, it would be wonderful. Supporting the troops is almost as dumb as opposing the mission. Haven't you seen what's on TV lately? That's what troops are doing to the middle east. They're causing all kinds of strife, heartache, and bloodshed.

Here at FCN, the proper position to take is clear as day: Up with the Mission, Down with the Troops. We are officially starting a new campaign in favor of bloodless, troopless war. The campaign is being inaugurated with the two free wallpapers below (after all, wallpapers are cheap to make). We hope to continue to add to the collection of DWTUWM materials as time goes by, though of course we'll probably end up being paralyzed by laziness.

In any case, we encourage you to join us in supporting the missions that keep people free and opposing the troops that make people hurt.

Click to enlarge, then right click > Set as Desktop Background. Or do whatever you want with it. It's a free country.

Goodbye Mr. Hussein

In the spirit of Cicero and his Latin phrase “de mortuis nil nisi bonum” (concerning the dead, nothing if not good), we here at FCN have decided that a man like Saddam Hussein, convicted mass murderer or not, deserves a kind treatment after his execution. Unlike the giddy horde of liberals who seem beside themselves in celebrating Jerry Ford's passing, we feel that gentle propriety is demanded in the analysis of anyone's death (because death isn't funny). Years from now, when Saddam's family has stopped grieving his loss and the his body finally cools down, we can say what we really feel.

Here's our tribute to the late Saddam Hussein:

Subha Tulfah al-Mussallat was a troubled woman who devoted most of her energies to shepherding and raising her children. She was also the mother of little Saddam Hussein, who grew up never knowing his father, who left the family six months before he was born in 1937.

Hussein's older brother, a 13-year old who showed moral fortitude and physical strength at a young age succumbed to cancer while Hussein was yet a babe. In the shadow of the complications from that event, little Saddam was sent to the family of his maternal uncle, Khairallah Talfah, where he stayed until he was three. Though he came and went from under his uncle's roof after that, Talfah became a father figure for little Saddam and would be integral in leading the young man into adulthood.

Little Saddam's uncle was a loyal Iraqi patriot who was willing to fight hard for the rights of his country-man and to defend his beliefs. He was a devout Muslim who instilled early in the heart of his nephew the value of Koran and Sharia.

Saddam worked hard in school to please his teachers and got good grades. He even became involved politically, joining the Ba'ath Party in 1957. In 1959, Hussein was wounded while attempting a valiant and patriotic assassination attempt whose wisdom history would never doubt.

Because of his charismatic approach and willingness to accept others beneath his tolerant wing, Hussein received the rank of four-star general. He accented this achievement by growing a gorgeous caterpillar mustache, a style that would be mimicked by all attractive Arab men and a few unattractive Arab women.

No longer a little Saddam, Hussein had decided on his life path. He became President of Iraq through a bloodless coup (Hussein himself never lost any blood). From his new position of leadership, Hussein worked tirelessly to modernize the Iraqi economy and streamline oil security. His efforts were repaid when Iraq began providing social services that were unprecedented among Middle Eastern countries; generously supporting those who couldn't support themselves.

After the Iran-Iraq war (in which Hussein did everything in his power to protect his people, including use nerve agents and mustard gas on his enemies), Saddam lead his nation through a time of peace. Little did he know that that peace would not last long; a conflict with Kuwait and two wars with the evil United States would follow.

Hussein was taken out of power when Western Imperialist armies invaded his country for the second time, put him in a foxhole and stole his oil; they arrested him and trimmed his mustache. After a Kangaroo court (wherein Hussein did most of the Kangarooing), he was sentenced to die. The penalty was carried to a defendant with “fear in his eyes,” and a Koran under his arm, the last item a gift for an unidentified pal.

Saddam Hussein is the ultimate Middle Eastern success story. He is a martyr for the cause of single motherhood and a bastion of Muslim integrity in a dark world of oppression and castration, yes castration. He stood for all that is good about Iraq and lived out his last days with the dignity befitting a tyrannical dictator. He put the “I” in Iraqi and showed his people undaunted courage through the good times and only partially daunted courage through the rough times.

Goodbye Mr. Hussein. May you enjoy forever the eternal rewards you have earned.

Saddam Hussein (1937-2006).