What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

A note from Helen Kumba

FCN recently engaged in the following email correspondence (republished here in its splendid grammar and spelling original):


my name is Helen, i am 25 years in search of a man who understands love as trust and faith rather seeing it as a way of fun always but a matured man with scence of humor. so after reading your profile i derive special interest on you so contact me with this email address (helen.kumba**@*****.com) I believe we can start from here. awaiting to hear from you soon so i can send photos for more introductions.

Hey, Helen. So nice of you to email. I am sure that if we were to read your profile, we too would "derive special interest on you." But what profile are you referring to? Of course, we have a "scence" of humor, we're humor writers! But you want to put trust in us? That might be problematic. You are looking for matured men? You'll find we are well seasoned. Yes, please send the photos...


P.S. Kisses on a first email? You might want to reconsider that.

its Helen again. you write like Gollum. Okay. here are the photos:

Hey Helen. My, those photos are candid. They communicate with a clarity and grace that is rarely seen in today's digital photography. You don't look 25, though. Were these edited? Did you fall into an aging pit during a tragic theme park accident? Are you wearing a mask? Does your work stress you severely? That's a gorgeous necklace you have on...we like green. Your smile is very ... powerful. Thanks for emailing your photos to us.

Helen again. i lied about my age for introductory purposes. I'm actually 42.

No you're not!
well, I sent you pictures of me. you need to introduce yourself. tell me about your so we can get to know each other. that's how this thing works...
You are Helen Thomas, aren't you?
Well, yes...
Why weren't you honest with that up front?
Because when I tell people that they get all weird. Sometimes people wear an expression that is a combination of revulsion and fear. Other times they just stare. It isn't pleasant. I think it's best if I just keep my identity secret. It gets me further in the dating world. That's why I love the teh web.
Goodbye, Helen!


Pam B. said...

LOL! Wow!

sean.b said...

Is this a parody of spam mail, or did someone actually email you with that?

Anonymous said...

These emails should be put into a series. First it was Kseniya, then Helen...who in the world could be next?

Levi Bendixen said...

Wow, that is hilarious. I'm guessing you made that up?