What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Notice to Employees #1

Due to an unprecedented increase in complaints, spurious comments and threatening emails, the We CareTM hotline is no longer responding to employee complaints. The firm still cares deeply about its labor force and wants nothing more than to see you healthy, at work and not scaring the customers. We still care; we just don't care as much. This message is being posted in all public places to remind you of your rights as employees and encourage active and safe labor participation. And we want to keep you from abusing your rights and harassing others. We understand that you may experience unpleasant conditions periodically. Our human resources department routinely informs our legal department via lengthy memoranda of the dire plight of our employee welfare policies. We are fully aware of the impact the abysmal work conditions have on your aptitude and general humor. We are so aware, in fact, that we do not need a barrage of self-esteem depressing emails like the record 189 we received last Wednesday, several of which were from obviously made up emails like "xyackzee@gmail.com." How would you feel, xyackzee@gmail.com, if your inbox were inundated with deprecating messages of spite and hate so torrid they burned your eyes. How would you like it if were were unable to find the RSVP notice for the CEO's birthday bash at the best Penthouse Suite in The City? Because that's what happened to me on Wednesday night after I spilled coffee on my tie and forgot my directions in the hurry to leave and couldn't locate them up because they had been moved out of my "quick list" by your incessant complaints. I realize you don't get coffee during your breaks and your income doesn't suffer you to afford the sort of communications technology that allows others (me!) to check my "quick list" on the go, xyackzee@gmail.com, but these differences would not exist if you had worked a few more years in school and earned your MBA like me. Junior executives are allowed to attend the CEO's party wearing coffee stained ties, carry expensive PDAs and date other Junior executives. And Janet is an excellent reason to hang on to school for another year. Salespeople in their third year are not able to do those thing. And, after this notice, you will not be able to complain either.

Would anyone who sees and reads this notice please send a spam email message to xyackzee@gmail.com? Please complain about his health insurance policy and question the merits of his marketing strategy. Tell him you don't like his logo and want to get a new mouse pad. Let's see how that makes him feel. Or, you can sign up his email for various spam online. Lot's of news sites ask for your email address. Give them his. Apparently, he likes to email. A lot!

1 comment:

Tim said...

Spam sent. I hope he reforms soon.