Note to Self #13

Avoid brothers who ate three large burritos for lunch.

Note to Self #12

Hitting "snooze" on your alarm clock will make you late for work.

Note to Self #11

When cooking pancakes, use a skillet; pouring the batter directly onto the burner does NOT save time.

Note to Self #10

Popcorn does not make good breakfast cereal.

Note to Self #9

Next time, look in your backpack before tearing apart the house in search of the book you "lost."

Note to Self #8

In the future, begin filing taxes before April 15.

Note to Self #7

Warm the instant oatmeal before eating.

Note to Self #6

Doritos aren't quite as enjoyable when consumed in a sauna.

Note to Self #5

There are better ways of getting people to feel sorry for you than fabricating a history of cocaine abuse on your job application.

Note to Self #4

Let the umbrella dry out before closing it up for the summer.

Note to Self #3

Mouthwash is an inadequate shampoo substitute.

Note to Self #2

Be careful biting into fortune cookies. They tend to have little pieces of paper inside.

Note to Self #1

Burritos taste better when you put stuff inside them.