Presidential Candidate Changes Religious Affiliation

BOSTON (FCN) – 2008 Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney announced this morning that he has changed his religious affiliation from his native Mormonism and joined the Catholic Church.

“After careful analysis of polling data from several key states and some interviews with likely voters, our campaign has decided it’s best for Mitt to make the switch,” said Vanessa Creano, a spokeswoman for the former Governor of Massachusetts. “If you look at the religions of past candidates, Mormons have traditionally fared poorly; we don’t want that for Mitt.”

The campaign made the announcement on the steps of Saint Joseph Roman Catholic Church on William Cardinal Street in downtown Boston. Inside the cathedral, Romney was taking his first communion.

“It’s a big change for us; we are pitching the Book of Mormon and picking up the Magisterium,” explained Ann Romney, Mitt’s wife. “Sometimes, on the campaign trail and for the sake of the nation, you have to make sacrifices. If this switch means that a Republican is parading come inauguration day, it’ll be worth it.”

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) hail the move with disappointment.

“It is, of course, sad to see him and his family leave, but the departure is bittersweet,” said P. Jackson Randolf a social sciences professor at Brigham Young University, a Mormon institution of higher education. “If he gains control of the Oval Office, I fully expect him to switch back. Who knows? This may even be a harbinger for the return of legalized polygamy.”

P. Jackson Randolf's wife had no comment.

Gordon B. Hinckley, President of LDS and considered by many Mormon faithful to be a seer of God’s will on earth, phoned FCN soon after the announcement to express his feelings about the high profile switch. “Mitt knows what he is doing. It’s politics and no one is better and politics than the Romneys.”

When asked if he felt betrayed by the candidate’s denunciation, Hinckley replied that the end justified the change. “Of course I’d rather it didn’t work out this way, but I understand politics,” he said.

Political pundits, meanwhile, are questioning the merits of the decision. To present voters with such a radical religious shift so close to the primaries could prove damaging. At least, that’s what conventional wisdom tells us.

Conventional wisdom is wrong in this case according to Mary Matalin, a GOP strategist who emailed FCN soon after Romney’s announcement. “Voters don’t care who the candidate is until the last three weeks of the campaign. Now is a time for positioning and issues placement. In that regard, this may be the best switch since his abortion shift.”

Asked whether the flip-flop reputation would hurt him in the long run, Matalin was again positive. “Come November, nobody will even remember he was once a Mormon,” she said confidently.

At least, that’s what the GOP is hoping. For the Romney family, it’s back to the campaign trail.

“We’ll have to cut the Mormon religious references from his stump material, but it’ll pretty much be the same old same old,” Creano said.