What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.


Friday, June 06, 2008

F abandons FCN

"Commitment" is a hard word. It's three syllables long and has a lot of repeating Ms and Ts, which renders the spelling arduous. The principle behind the term is similarly formidable. Commitment requires not backing down or giving up, even in the face of, well, artistic differences.

Here at FCN, we've never laid much of a claim to commitment. "Lackadaisical" seems like a better description of our approach to life and we've never had a hard time changing course if it meant finding an easier path. But we demand a higher level of integrity from others. Nobody kicks us to the curb, leaves us out to dry, runs out on us or abandons our ship. No siree, sir! When the wind blows against your sales, we expect you to make good use of the jib to keep your sloop on an honest bearing.

This is more than a credo. It is a mandate; a directive so puissant, no amount of badgering can get us to renege. Ever. We expect others to never give up. Not after six pieces of pizza, three coke classics and two bowls of onion rings. Never.

In fact, we expect out of you and each other the same thing the Obamination sees in Billary: the can't quit attitude.

At least that's what I thought until last week, when I got a rude awakening to the realities of today's internet world. Apparently "yes" doesn't always mean what the Greeks said it means, because F gave the world a new interpretation of the term, and entered a another chapter in the FCN Manifesto, by packing his cyber bags and walking out on FCN.

That's right. No last post; no train of long goodbyes (or even a single adios). Just a forlorn and empty user where F used to write his funny tomes, cutting social criticism and relevant satire. It's an empty locker where Mean Joe Green's jersey once hung. It's a deserted and quiet Carnival after a night's frivolity. It's Seattle after Boeing left.

And now it's just me and N and, of course, Chip, our guest contributor. We'll do our best, but things won't be the same without you, F. If you are reading this, please come back. We need you. Heck, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so dang much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and I should get an apartment together. Maybe I should stop talking for a little while.

No! I can't be groveling. We cannot reduce ourselves to sniveling dogs, circling the table for morsels that drop from our master's table. I will command. F? You come back and make a public apology. You have lost all credibility, like the time on the local news channel when the camera panned back and revealed the anchor was barefoot. You need to earn back your respect in the humor community. You grovel; cry and fill a cereal bowl with tears. Then we'll see about letting you back into our little club.

Please, man? I mean, you'll always have a place here if you want to return.

FCN readers, your consideration and condolences are appreciated during this particularly difficult time for the FCN team. We want to be cheery and happy, light and funny, but it's hard when you lose such an integral piece. Please use the comment section to remind F about how much he means to you and maybe we can get enough of an outcry to bring him back even if it's just to say goodbye.

9 comments:

Christopher Yerziklewski said...

Darn straight. F, get on back here.

you can call me batman... is not thrilled said...

NOOOOOO! Me-genoita! (hebrew: may it never be!) Travis, get your sorry carcass back here! we NEED you!

Tim said...

No! F, come back! What are Class Notes if they're not Funny?
Then again... if he's too good for us, maybe we don't need him. After all, I've never been able to figure out who writes each post. Maybe he hasn't been pulling his weight for a while. I haven't noticed any decline in quality. Or is F the loser that dropped out of college and can never finish what he starts? I know what is – he's finally got a steady girlfriend and she doesn't want their relationship all over the web.

Killer papoose lover said...

Just wait till C leaves...
Then all we'll have is notes. Then it might turn into a music blog. Imagine RFCN's celebration.

Lazrmagnt said...

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
How COULD you leave?!
What is FCN without the FUNNY part of it? (and CN is not as catchy)

(...and you will have to design new shirts that say CN not FCN)

mumble's the word said...

I move we form a band of undercover agents with spatulas to capture C and bring him back.

And that we cut off his supply of brownies while he's gone.

Anonymous said...

my mistake...F
though we'd be happy to capture C, too, if he ran away

*snicker* said...

* yawns *

Maybe post quality will go up now!

Anonymouse said...

"tim" must be right he has a girlfriend who does not want their relationship dissected before our viewing eyes. And "mumble's the word" has a good idea with putting an embargo on the brownie supply.