What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.

Monday, July 07, 2008

All Hail Google!

Within a decade, Google will be the biggest corporate power in the world. Forget the oil companies, whose biggest hope for future growth lies under discouraging layers of ice. Forget Wal-Mart, whose profits will soon follow its free-falling image. It won’t be long before the internet search giant tops them all.

And what a beautiful world it will be. You will wake up every morning to the smell of your favorite morning beverage, which Google will either remember from past mornings or serve by command after you watch a series of targeted short advertisement from contending brands. The shower will be set to the perfect warmth, calculated to the last significant digit based on outdoor temperature and predictive likelihood of catching cold (a new feature that will then be in “beta-testing”).

Forget where you left your car keys? Google will graciously let you search for the missing item in its exhaustive tape record of your life. Don’t like private moments showing up in the archive? No problem; Google will eliminate those sections of tape from your search results. The corporate office will, of course, maintain a copy for personal entertainment.

Reading material will be a synthesis of popular sources based on the current events of the day and any personal interests you may have. Google will know what you like.

Choices in diet, transportation, housing, friendship and even romantic companionship will all be decided by habit-evidenced preferences. That’s right, your boyfriend or girlfriend will be chosen by Google, using an algorithm that finds and identifies persons with mutual coincidence of penchants, which tech speak for “liking the same music.”

You could also do a Google search, if you’re feeling particularly lonely (or is it lucky?).

After legislation is passed to clear the way, Google will vote for you in a manner more objective then any human being ever could. Candidate selections will be determined by the news articles you favorite and entries you make on your blog, because everyone will keep a blog. Google Voting will be hassle free and will allow 100% of the electorate to have a say.

“Google” is Russian for “total global domination under the guise of ‘doing no evil,’” a concept the Russians have struggled to learn, but Google has down to a science. We are on the path now but in a few years, life will be efficient, smart and, above all, searchable.

1 comment:

you can call me batman said...

LOL! nice. so F is back? the funny's here...