What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.

Thursday, November 06, 2008


A long-running joke among men is that it is impossible to understand women. And they are correct. There are times women don’t even understand themselves. Girls over-analyze everything. And I do mean everything. What you think is a friendly wave or smile at one of your girl buddies could easily propel them into a daydream filled with you and your future children. Allow me to demonstrate how females easily misconstrue the intentions of the well-meaning gentlemen in their circle of friends. What a guy says is often not what a girl hears. Females will often read whatever meaning they want into a guy’s innocently simple phrases and gestures.

Guy says: Hey, is this seat taken?
Girl hears: You are so beautiful and mysterious. I want to keep myself in close proximity to you so I can learn more about your inner soul.

Guy says: It’s nice to meet you.
Girl hears: Where have you been all my life?

Guy says: You look nice today.
Girl hears: Hey good lookin… what’s cookin? You’d be a shoo-in for America’s Next Top Model.

Guy says: Do you want to hang out with me and my friends later?
Girl hears: I’m really attracted to you, I’d like you to meet my friends so they can give me a thumbs-up on my taste in girls. Once that’s done with, we can visit my parents next weekend and go ring shopping.

Guy says: It’s good to see you.
Girl hears: You are my heartbeat, I can’t live without you. I wither away to nothingness when we’re apart.

As if that’s not confusing enough, what girls say is often not what they truly mean.

Girl says: Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.
Girl means: I’m falling apart. Come on, you bimbo, ask me to tell the truth.

Girl says: Isn’t that such a cute baby?
Girl means: See what a wonderful mother I’d be? I already have our children named, I hope you like what I’ve picked out.

So, if a guy wants to avoid these common pitfalls, what are his options?
1. Be Spock.
2. Get a lobotomy.
3. Avoid all members of the fairer sex.

Whatever you do, don’t underestimate the female mind. It may be difficult to understand, but it is still quite dangerous. If you don’t believe me, ask someone who would know. Like your dad.


Anonymous said...

It seems to me that you are completely correct. But sometimes what the girl hears - according to you - is what the guy really means, although he can't put it into words. It works the other way around too. What a girl says is not often what a guy hears.

Girl says: It’s nice to meet you.
Guy hears: Where have you been all my life?

What can we do about this? I used option 3 for a while, but it's not an option anymore. For now, option 1 is working, but what if it fails?

Anonymous said...

Oh, please, not MORE stereotypes.

you can call me batman said...

so is one of the female contributors contributing? (this doesn't seem like F, C, N, or Chip's work) because if so, not bad!

Bracie said...

Come on, you Bimbo, get it right!

Just kidding! But seriously, you are WAY over generalizing. And for the girls who are trying to be rational human beings, it's really annoying.

But I know you don't really care if you are annoying.

Or maybe you have just given up trying not to be annoying, and are now embrassing your annoyingness.

Wow. I really need to stop reading this blog.

Amë said...

"Girl says: Isn’t that such a cute baby?
Girl means: See what a wonderful mother I’d be? I already have our children named, I hope you like what I’ve picked out."

Actually, Girl means "Those baby clothes don't match the diaper, diaper bag or carrier. Get it right!"

What about all the things that guys say when they actually mean something else? You all are way too deceptive.