What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.


Monday, November 17, 2008

Zombie Monday #1: Zombies > Bullets

Monday is Zombie Awareness Day.

At FCN, we like to fool around. But sometimes it's time for some serious material. It's disturbing how few people have a zombie survival plan. Of the ones that do, it's disturbing how many people are planning based on totally useless information. As a public service, FCN has launched the Zombie Monday (ZM) series, which provides useful guidelines for formulating your own zombie plan, as well as warning against common pitfalls.

MYTH: Ammunition-based weapons are an effective long-term protection from zombies.

Many plans are based on finding a large stockpile of ammunition and using it to shoot down zombies.

Common example: "I'll go to wal-mart and get a gun and a bunch of bullets, then I'll hide in my house and shoot any zombies who come in."

Better example: "I carry a shotgun and forty shells in my truck. That should get me to the nearest military base, where I can hide out with the soldiers who will easily have enough ammo to survive."

Best example: "I carry a shotgun and forty shells in my truck. That should get me to a munitions factory, which I will run with like-minded survivors. We can keep building guns and ammo as fast as we chew through it."

FACT: There are always more zombies than you have bullets. Always.

When the undead legions start knocking on your door, they wont come alone or in small groups. Sure, for the first few weeks of the contamination, you may be able to find lone zombies. But when things really go downhill - that is, after a few years of zombie apocalypse - you won't be able to find zombies in any group smaller than several hundred. Do you have bullets enough to shoot thousands and thousands of zombies? Neither do we.

People who do have a lot of bullets, such as soldiers and farmers

a) Are unlikely to share their stockpiles with you.
b) Are likely to shoot you when you approach.
c) Do not have access to unlimited ammunition.

And no, that was not a multiple-choice question. Let's take a best case: you flee to the nearest army base, where you are welcomed with open arms. Along come the zombie hordes. Your boys shoot them. Then come more zombies. Your boys shoot them. Maybe years pass. Then all of a sudden, along come more zombies. Click-click. Uh-oh! We're out of ammo. Anyone want to go down the road for more? I didn't think so. Now we're all dinner.

Of course, the number of zombies is technically finite. Plan for about eight to ten billion. If you have a stockpile which can safely eradicate ten billion zombies, by all means leave a comment and we'll stand corrected. Or write you your very own ZM.

But what about ammo factories? Sorry, no dice. Those require electricity. Electricity comes from a power plant. Take over a power plant? Okay. Do you have fuel for it? Take over a coal mine? Okay. Do you have a way to ferry coal to the plant through zombie territory? Does that way involve gas? Because gas comes from gas stations. Take over a gas station? Okay. And a refinery? Oh, and guard the alaskan pipeline? You get the idea. You basically have to keep the whole civilization going just to get one bullet off the assembly line. And that's saying nothing about getting the raw material for bullets. By the time you've got your infrastructure established - assuming your party has enough know how to run refineries, factories, power plants, mines, etc - you're dinner. Munch munch.

Your best bet: go for a plan that doesn't count on humanity's finite reserves of ammo if you plan to survive.

2 comments:

you can call me batman said...

well, if zombies are undead, why not treat them like vampires and eat a whole lotta garlic? That should keep 'em away. But then, I don't know much about zombies... except that I look like one without makeup.

Lady Hamlet said...

So basically, we're doomed??