Beware of Shiny Objects

As much as I hate to admit it, I am very much a woman, especially when it comes to shiny objects. I'm drawn to sparkle, no matter where it occurs. Diamond rings, sapphire necklaces, crystal-clean shop windows, metal signs, even the garish, reflective sequins on your grandmother's Christmas sweater. The more eye-catching and shiny the better, in my opinion.

Now, this love for shiny objects may be fine under normal circumstances (although my brothers may argue that point), but when I get behind the wheel of my car, shiny objects become a downright hazard. It's quite obvious that men designed roadways, because a woman would know better than to put light reflecting objects down the center of the pavement, like a beautiful necklace laying on the black velvet lining of a jewelry box.

I love lane-dividing reflectors.

Unfortunately, between juggling my cell phone, coffee, makeup, planner, and pen when I drive, I am unable to avoid damaging those lovely, sparkly bumps on the road. To remedy this, I've taken to straddling them when I drive. After all, who would want to cover the shine with yucky tire rubber? For some reason, the last three policemen to give me tickets didn't care for my logic.

But it's not just reflectors that form a hazard; more often than not, it is other vehicles that drive me to distraction (haha! drive, get it?). Just this morning on my way to work, I saw an Alhambra water delivery truck. It was so pretty! Bright green and on the back - you'll never guess! - they had a shiny, sparkly, reflective sequin sign that was blue and had their name written on it. I stared at the sign, trying to resist its pull, but blue is my favorite color and between that and the sequins, I just had to give in. I slowly began drifting across the lanes so I could be right behind the truck.

Bang! Screech! Crash! Yeah, I forgot to check before changing lanes. Now I'd crashed into three other cars and the sparkly truck was disappearing down the highway. If only I hadn't been so intent on reaching the sparkly sequins! But it isn't my fault; shiny objects really shouldn't be allowed on vehicles.

Does anyone know a good lawyer?