What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.


Showing posts with label Short. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Short. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

FCN Classic: It was so windy...

It was breezy today, wasn't it? Boy, the howling wind sure got my attention. How windy was it? It was so windy...

...the dog finally caught his tail.

...we turned off the indoor fans.

...birds flew backwards.

...Travis didn't have to blow dry his hair.

...Travis' hair actually looked good.

...Sam didn't have to tip the cows; he just watched them fall over.

...SUVs actually got good gas mileage.

...my little sister got pulled off to Oz.

...light waves were buffeted.

...I rode the umbrella into town.

...the National Weather Service asked Nancy Pelosi to shut up.

...all the cars at the drug store parking lot were on the south end.

...we had dinner on the wall.

...it was raining garbage.

...I walked outside and was undressed.

...the palm fronds became palm sticks.

...the garden was watered with the pool.

...the chickens were plucked before they were slaughtered.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A = E, I = U

Un thus post every unstence of one common vowel hes been repleced wuth enother common vowel, leevung eech word confusung end peunful. Uf you cen reed thus wuthout essustence, you should strongly consuder e future un wrutung or decodung. U heer they heve openungs et the CUE end FBU.

Usn’t ut emezung the umpect e chenge to e couple of vowels cen heve? U left the mejoruty untect, but the two thet were substututed ere very dustrectung. E lue us much more powerful when muxed wuth e luttle truth.

Sincerely Yours, Me

Do you ever get pronoun confusion? It's when the wrong pronoun sounds right (not left) and your friends give you dour looks when you start referring to yourself in the wrong person. You is confused with I even though proper grammar is used throughout. It's a writer's third biggest nightmare (behind actionable nouns and proper verbs). It's linguistic schizophrenia on crack.

We would write a post about the concept, but it's already been done. Our friends at Enlarged to Show Texture, a snazzy blog that just underwent a sexy redesign, have a record of correspondence between two first-person pronouns. And, while I am no editor (please don't make wise cracks about that moment of honesty), all appears to be grammatically correct. Go check it out and leave the girls at EST a nice comment or two.

Monday, April 07, 2008

FCN's Golden Age has ended!


The hijacker relinquished full control of FCN back to us yesterday, much to our dismay. We got down on our knees and begged him/her to stay. "Please don't go," we said. We said it just like that. We used those very words. Alas, they were to no effect. He/she insisted on leaving, so we're back, and we have to come up with content again.

Rats.

We know there were some pretty harsh things said about the hijacker. He/she was accused of being unoriginal, pandering, and dull. We would come out and say this was hogwash, but we don't want to disagree with a reader publicly. So we'll say that, while this may be true, there are other angles from which to approach the situation that may lead to seeing the facts in a different light.

We think - no, we declare - that the hijacker's short tenure represented FCN's Golden Age. With a legacy of intellectually stimulating and entertaining posts on a range of relevant topics, this hijacker is leaving not in shame, but to rest on his/her laurels, satisfied with a week well run.

So now we have to plod on alone, as we've been doing for a year or two, depending on how you measure it. We don't even know what we'll do for you guys tomorrow. Maybe we'll sing a song. We'll see.

People like the hijacker, who presumably has a personal blog elsewhere, are the reason FCN is still more than 78 million years away from global domination. We don't mind the wait. We're in very good company.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

This is an unnecessarily long post!

T

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This is an unnecess

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This is an unnecessari

This is an unnecessaril

This is an unnecessarily

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This is an unnecessarily long pos

This is an unnecessarily long post

This is an unnecessarily long post!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Selbmarcd Lrettes

Wlihe smoe wdros are hrad to dehpicer wehn the ioiretnr lrettes are selbmarcd, oreths are pttery esay to frugie out. In fcat, you may jsut be albe to raed tihs scnetnee wtihout so mcuh as a hctih if you hvae lenraed to shgit raed iaetsnd of snidnoug out erevy wrod pllacitenopy. Yuor mromey ptus the wdors tehtgeor for you form shgit and you unatsredd slaml wdors qlkciuy and legrar wdros aetfr smoe tniknihg.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

TheS paceb arT ypo

Whent ypingq uickly,i ti se asyt od epresst hes paceb ara tt hew rongm oment.I na nyones entence,t hes paceb arm ayb ep resseda s manya st ent of ifteent imes.T hef astert het yperm ovesh isf ingers,t hem orep recises heh ast ob ew itht hes paceb ar.I fs hem akesa m istaket her esultl ooksl iket hisp osta ndi sc onsequentlyd ifficultt or ead.

Thoseo fy oui nt hef aithfulF CNf eww hos peedr eado na r egularb asisw ill,h owever,h aven op roblemk eepingu pw itht hee rror.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Part Three: 'The Greatest Danger Could Be Your Stupidity'

I grew the nerve and asked Carrie out. She accepted. I am freaking. We are going out later this week. Any advice???