Straight Chatting with John McCain

I'm afraid we were unable to get a face-to-face interview with Senator McCain, as we were with Senator Clinton and Supreme Despotic Ruler KimJongIl. McCain is a busy man. He's got a presidential campaign to handle. He doesn't have the time to fly to FCN headquarters, and we don't have the money to fly to him. So we arranged a chat conversation over Google Talk. We found the Senator to be gracious, firm, charming, and direct. He found us to be senseless monkeys. Anyway, here's the transcript of the chat (between FunnyClassNotes@Gmail.com and VoteForJohnMcCainForPresidentIn2008@Gmail.com):

FCN: hey

McCain: sup

FCN: we're fcn
we wanted to talk to you about your campaign

McCain: fcn?
doesn that stand for Flippant College Nerds?

FCN: i think your confusing us w someone else
were Funny Class notes

McCain: ohoh nvm then

FCN: so can we talk about the campaign

McCain: sure why not
everyone else seems to want a pece of it

FCN: gr8!

McCain: *piece

FCN: 1st off
what do you think are ur chances of victory

McCain: lol honestly?
im pretty much a shoo in

FCN: why do u say that

McCain: bc i'm bipartisan
i dont offend anyone

FCN: but arent most of the voters partisan

McCain: dont be ridiculous

FCN: no i mean wont they prefer stronger positions

McCain: listen bub
I was a POW in Vietnam before you were even in dipers
*dipars
*diapers

FCN: : p

McCain: lol
anyway
the point is
don tlet me hear you disrespecting ur elders
and certainly don tlet me
hear you tell me to be partisan
i won't stand for it

FCN: What will you stand for?

McCain: bipartisanship
duh
what do they teach in schools these days
see that's another thing i'm gonna fix
when i get elected
ima fix the education system
make it more bipartisan
go thru the curriculums
and take out all the bigotry and politics
u know
positions
stuff like that
poisoning our kids
brains

FCN: How will you do that?

McCain: r u kidding?
il be the pres
i can do whatever i want

FCN: What about congress

McCain: to bush w congress
a bunch of stupid senators talking their heads off
bores me to death
and to top it off
ther all partisan

FCN: so how did they get elected?

McCain: havent you been paying attention
it's the education system
the voters are groing up full of ideas
thats gotta stop

FCN: many ppl refer to u as the maverick.
why is that

McCain: its bc i'm a washington outsider
i dont play the political games
thats how i managed to orchestrate the judicial nominations compromises
and the bcra

FCN: bcra?

McCain: camp fincance reform
duh
lol u seriously are weak dude
r u new/
?

FCN: actually the blog has been around since 1821.

McCain: thats nothing
i was a POW during the war of 1812
dirty mexicans

FCN: isnt that the mex-american war
1846-1848

McCain: were u there?

FCN: we blogged it
but nobody read it
bc they didn't have computers

McCain: well listen bub
if i say we were fighting the mexicans
then we sure as bush were fighting mexicans
got it

FCN: sry

McCain: np
just keep it cool k?

FCN: kk

McCain: so where we
oh yes

FCN: bcra

McCain: camp finance reform
so anyway
the point is
im a wash outsider
else i would nvr have been able to pull tht together
nvr
a maverick thats what i am

FCN: what woud you say is ur strongest issue?

McCain: well the fact that im rly old for 1 thing
: p
hahaha

FCN: ... k ... hahaha

McCain: k honestly its prolly terrism
dirty mexicans

FCN: don you mean al queda

McCain: whoa whoa
easy there whippersnaper
u don realize what the mexicans have don to this country
besides blow my leg off

FCN: ur leg looks fine!!

McCain: of course it does
what are you even talking about
?

FCN: ur leg

McCain: shut up and vote against amnesty k
and deportation obviously

FCN: ur leg looks very lifelike

McCain: we've been making progress on that
technology is graet

FCN: so tell me baout amnesty

McCain: actually i g2g
makeup time

FCN: rgr
k thanks for ur time

McCain: cya

McCain is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when McCain comes online.