What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Brisingr Preview

BOREDOM WARNING: The following post will hold minimal interest to those unfamiliar with Christopher Paulini's Inheritance series (including already-published Eragon and Eldest).

SPOILER WARNING: Plot and/or ending details follow.

One of the most anticipated novels of the year is Christopher Paulini's Brisinger, the 3rd installment in the Inheritance Trilogy Cycle. Folks are dying to know what happens next in the rather epic tale of Eragon and his Saphira.

We wrote Paulini a very nice letter, and he agreed to send us the unfinished Brisinger manuscript. We read it, and now offer you this plot summary for those of you who can't stand to wait for September 20th:

The story begins with Eragon abandoning his freshly-victorious army so he can help his brother Roran track down his girlfriend Katrina, who has been captured by the Ra'zac. Almost immediately after Eragon loses sight of the army, Galbatorix himself swoops down with his dragon and has a Surda sandwhich with Urgals for seasoning and the Carvahall townspeople for desert. There are only a handful of survivors, including all the major characters. Nasuada is believed dead but of course she isn't really - she just got lost in a bog.

Eragon knows that he is too weak to take on Galbatorix directly, so he flees into the Spine with Roran, where they bump into Angela and Solembum. They have a lengthy and mildly amusing conversation which has no bearing on the plot, at the end of which Solembum utters some impenetrably mysterious riddles and turns into a rutabaga.

They proceed along the Spine eating less than is humanly possible. Nights are bitterly cold, but Eragon uses the magic word Brisingr (hence the name) to surround their camps with a ring of fire every time they go to sleep. This has several effects: It keeps enemies away, keeps Eragon and Roran warm and makes it obvious to anyone a hundred miles around where exactly they are.

Eventually they randomly fall into a hole in the mountain and stumble on a city hidden by magic from the eyes of those far off. It is populated by a race more or less exactly like Hobbits. You could say that Paulini ripped this race off of Tolkein's Lord of the Rings, but you would be mistaken, because these people are called Bar'u'ab'dualötís, so obviously he made it up himself. The Bar'u'ab'dualötís are a peace-loving people (as you know if you're at all familiar with Lord of the Rings); they want no trouble, but Eragon's ring of fire has attracted an army of Ra'zac. The Bar'u'ab'dualötís are forced to fight for their homes and turn out to be pretty good fighters for no explicable reason. Eragon's magic does plenty of damage, but the Ra'zac do something sneaky to his mind during the battle and he has strange nightmares for the rest of the book.

The good guys win of course, but they take heavy losses in the form of warm Bar'u'ab'dualötí bodies the reader barely knew the name of anyway. Of course, the heavy losses aren't actually dead - they just got lost in a bog. Eragon captures the Ra'zac leader (who's name is Arbaghdallrencarfithroughtheriver) and finds himself in a moral quandary. He can either torture Arbaghdallrencarfithroughtheriver to find Katrina's location or risk not saving Katrina at all. True to form, Eragon deals with this decision by hanging out and waiting for something terrible to happen.

He only has to wait two days. Arya, who found Eragon using magic instead of the rings of fire, appears that night and confides several important pieces of information. First, she explains the origin of the Bar'u'ab'dualötís. Here's a shocker: they come from Over the Sea just like everything else. Roran wonders aloud what's so special about Over the Sea that gives it such auto-generating powers. Arya curses him in the ancient language so he can never speak again. She says that these things must not be spoken of until the author figures out "where the heck this world comes from anyway."

Arya uses her magic to pry open Arbaghdallrencarfithroughtheriver's mind and find out where Katrina is.

They continue on their journey. They are escorted by four Bar'u'ab'dualötí. These four are led by a slightly handsomer chap named Imn-ot'fro-do. They march to Gil'ead with no idea how they'll save Katrina. On the way, a handful of survivors from the Surdan and Urgal armies join them. "Anything Saphira's master's brother's girlfriend," They reason.

Upon arrival at Gil'ead, a terrible battle breaks loose. Just when all seems lost, Murtagh shows up out of nowhere and agrees to help Eragon because he feels bad about all that mean stuff he said at the end of Eldest. Together, the brothers defeat Galbatorix's million thousand soldiers and burn the dungeon (but only after extracting the prisoners). Katrina isn't there, which means they just wasted two hundred pages of effort. Eragon, Roran, Arya, and Murtagh have a meeting to decide what to do next. During this meeting, a wounded imperial soldier sneaks up and tries to shoot Eragon in the back. Elva shows up out of nowhere and jumps in front of the arrow. She is lost in a bog soon after. The enemy is captured but Arya doesn't want to torture him because he's human and not a worthless Ra'zac.

So Trianna, leader of the Du Vrangr Gata, shows up and tortures him instead. The poor man reveals that he doesn't know where Katrina is, but he does know a secret tunnel into Galbatorix's palace. As if on cue, a bunch of Varden show up who say they can lead him to the entrance to the tunnel but go no further because a strange and convenient force has been placed on the entrance so only dragon riders can pass into it.

They reveal several other juicy tidbits:

1) There are actually three more dragon eggs at least.
2) No one has any clue where they are.
3) That thing back in the chuck wagon wasn't a watermelon.
4) It was a dragon egg, and it seems to be hatching for Imn-ot'fro-do into a strong green male.
5) Nasuada isn't dead, she's just lost in a bog.
6) Katrina has been spotted in Helgrind, which Eragon should probably have known she was in all along. That dirty rbaghdallrencarfithroughtheriver was a liar!

On hearing this news, Arya dies of despair. Dies. Of despair.

The book ends with Eragon in a moral quandary.


you can call me batman said...

wow. and I thought you guys had no life before!

Amë said...

* slams head against desk repeatedly *

Why do all these peeps have to DIE?!?!? I liked Arya!

I feel lost in a bog a lot....

big mo said...

gosh, that was hilarious.

probably one of the posts i've enjoyed the most. hey, eragon slamming? i'm there. the only thing more fun is eragon flaming. no pun intended.

i was a bit worried when you said "spoiler alert," but i pretty much knew all the stuff you said without being told...

thanks for the laugh y'all. imn-ot-fro'do is the best.

Anonymous said...

Arya's not dead, just lost in a bog.

mingye said...

Ha new reader, i personnally enloy this series. I still admit though that you bashing of this book is hilarious.!

Tamar said...

You forgot the part where they (reverently) plopped Arya's body in a boat and floated it down the river as a "memorial." (Personally, I think they were testing the boat for leaks.)

Udontwannakno said...

So fake.

Anonymous said...

Its true this sounnnnds so fake i mean ayra dies u didn;t even metion the fact that eragon fancys her (which must be a major factor of the book) and saphira is hardly mentioned at all.

Anyway storys are meant to be hhaapy ever after =(

Emilia R. said...

yeah, right. eighter C.P. just fooled you, is loosing it, or you made this up. I don't belive it. ( too twisted)and what's with the freaky long name?!

Anonymous said...

you are such a liar. there is no way that that will happen. this sounds so fake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

dude u r such a fake
u can't even spell the authors name right!"Paulini" Come on1 U can do way better than that.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I don't care if its fake, its funny as hell

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

o wow... so fake. you obviousely did not read the preview in eldest or you would know that they already did visit helgrind. and what is wrong with you? arya would not die of grief over something like that. if she did die then eragon would die of grief! and a rudabega??!!?? i think you are off your rocker there

Anonymous said...

wow man that was really funny and u had me worried for a sec until i read eldest again and saw the preview in the back dude do hate this book soo much that you will spend this much time writing this?

Anonymous said...

duh, it fake! how did you not realize on the names, rudabega, and all the toher crazy stuff, its called a spoof geniuses!


Anonymous said...

this is totally fake.
those terrible long names are sort of proofs.

raz'ac said...

yeah so fake solembum turns in2 a cat not a rutabega lol arya couldnt die either obviously fake but still funny

p.s the authers name is paolini not paulini
lol lol lol lol lol lol

comment by raz'ac

Anonymous said...

hahaha, seriously funny man.

and people, it's called a spoof!

geesh, talk about taking things way to seriously.

i mean, didn't the names prove that?

Anonymous said...

omg dude... this is great. i can't believe so many people are acting like its supposed to be taken seriously.

I love the Inheritance cycle, but this is still hilarious.

kicker said...

i agree with tamer would you get in to one of those old boats with out testing it
hey have you heard about the sister grimm they are really cool books.

Anonymous said...

i think it is fake cuz i was on a site that had the REAL summary and none of that happens! how can everyone be lodt in a bog!? that's so unlikely!!

Anonymous said...

haha this is pretty funny... ana all you people stop whining OF COURSE ITS FAKE!!!

but ill still bet you arya dies and eragon brings her back to life in the 4th one... (vault of souls!)

p.s. stop freaking out its a joke no ones life is at steak... mmmmm steak :)

Anonymous said...

i highly doubt that paolini would send u a script for a couple reasons:
1) hes makes like millions of dollars off these books, why would he send it for u free
2) eragons prediction of walking with arya with the ships and stuff in the first book
3) arya doesn't die, shes a major player in the book
4) we know that Murtagh cannot break his bonds to help galbatorix, so he can't suddenly help eragon
5) why would eragon make rings of fire, thats stupid and he knows not to do that
6) they know katrina is at helgrind

i'm out of reasons
but honestly, this was a great fake story, i almost believed, it would be a good fanfiction

Anonymous said...

Wow, that's uh.. pretty sad. It is so obviously fake but was absolutely hilarious!!!! Arya can't die she is supposedly invulnerable.

Anonymous said...

Wow. All of you above posters are really dumb. First of all, it's a spoof. This Ra'Zac leader's name is obviously going to be really long and un-pronounceable in Brisingr, and so the writer of the "Brisingr Preview" just decided to replace it with something else, although just as long and un-pronounceable. Secondly, Imn-Ot-Fro'do. Genius, and yet all you people don't seem to get it. In Brisingr, THERE ARE HOBBIT-LIKE PEOPLE. Therefore, the writer of this preview decided to make it funnier. I mean, COME ON. Do you REALLY think Christopher Paolini would call him Imn-Ot-Fro'do?



Anonymous said...

haha...that was kinda pathetic...the names totally gave it away

Anonymous said...

to above poster...duh, its a joke, so the names are supposed to be blatantly fake

Merc said...

You made my day. :D Hilarious spoof! I suppose I shouldn't have been drinking and reading at the same time. My poor, poor monitor...


The Reluctant Dragon said...

If Arya really dies, you'll find me singing a praise chorus. I hate her guts! There are so many characters in so many books exactly like her!

Anonymous said...

Arya can't die. She is a great character, and she probally is lost in a bog.

Hesn-ot-Fro'do said...


Im not Frodo..


That was the greatest summary ever..
i think i was 3 laughs away from pissing myself!

Anonymous said...

dies...of dispare...i'm speechless