A Songwriter's Take on Stockton

One of FCN's contributors was recently named humor columnist for his school's newspaper, The Pacifican. As prodigious as that sounds (and it really does have the ring of prodigy), the new position has fewer readers than even the lowly Funny Class Notes, which is saying something. It also means a whole new passel of editors, each of whom is infinitely more irritating than the other FCN writers (which, again, is saying something), will have to peruse his work before it goes to print.

A little disclaimer: These columns are written for a slightly different format than FCN. First, the nature of the publication encourages local topics and humor that may not be even remotely stimulating for those reading outside the target area. You'll have to either smile and play along or go visit Google News when the local material is discussed. Second, they still haven't figured out a way to make newspapers carry hyperlinks. I wrote the New York Times months ago about this problem and not only did they do nothing about it, they didn't publish my letter. To solve this problem, you can imagine the hyperlink by printing out the column and underlining any text that probably would have a link if published online.

The Pacifican's editor-in-chief tells us that some of the columns will be posted online, but if the IT guys at school are as inconsistent as Uncle Wally, many of them will be in print only. When the internet is benevolent, we will try to pass the article onto you.

Here's the latest column:

Forbes Magazine is famous for sponsoring riveting popularity contests based on arbitrary criteria. “The World’s Most Expensive Whiskeys” presents several pricey ways to get drunk, including Macallan Fine & Rare, aged since 1926 and sold at $3,600 a shot. With a price like that, I’m going to need another...

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