What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Ski Stunt Extreme

After my adventures on the frozen slopes, I discovered a Javascript application that simulates the motions of a real skier called Ski Stunt Extreme. The skier can be manipulated by pushing buttons on the computer keyboard and by moving the mouse. Tricks can be performed and high speeds can be attained. The game looks like a lot of fun.

Before going further, it is imperative that the faithful FCN few understand my gaming habits. Whilst some of the FCN writers are veritable aficionados of the computer gaming industry, my needs are very well satisfied by Jetpack and Microsoft Hearts. This adherence to games that were made over a decade ago is partially due to personal preference (the dizzying colors boasted by modern games give me an equally dizzying headache) and partially due to necessity.

You see, my computer, affectionately called “Steve,” suffered a violent crash a few months ago that destroyed his drivers, which, I am given to understand, are important in the operation of a game. (Not that poor Steve could ever run a very fancy game on his economy CPU, poor thing). I could take the time to browse the Internet and locate his lost drivers (especially the video card driver which, in its absence, gives the screen a blurry quality), but I am beginning to like Steve's austerity and am falling in love with suddenness of his system noises.

(To all potential future wives in the reading audience, note that this attitude extends only to the computer world and would never be applied to a spouse. Never.)

Jetpack barely runs on my computer and Microsoft Hearts fares little better. Such advanced games as Halo for PC or Unreal Tournament are out of the question entirely. I was perfectly happy with this arrangement until I discovered the aforementioned Ski Stunt Extreme.

The game is a beauty to behold. In order to help describe it, I was able to locate a YouTube video that portrays some of its characteristics. While the visuals are decent, I am afraid I cannot endorse the music that accompanies it. Please mute your sound and watch this:

“Addictive” doesn't scratch the surface of this game's impact. It is the liaison between the gaming gods and teens with too much time on their hands. It is the ultimate representation of arcade beauty. As soon as I watched this video, I knew I could spend hours making the little character do face plants in the snow and that I would laugh for hours as he bonked his noggin against sharp boulders.

Unfortunately, as I went to download Ski Stunt Extreme (executable file here and Javascript demo here, if you are interested), Steve informed me very loudly, with a series of disruptive system sounds, that he would be unable to run the program. Errors popped up saying that my drivers (or lack thereof) were incompatible with the game and that in order to enjoy the fun I would have to leave my rigid stringency behind.

I was crushed. To think that such an amazing game, the ultimate in time wasting technology, was so close to my mouse yet so far from my motherboard.

I took the news with controlled emotion; I would not sacrifice Steve's innocence to play a game.

Today, Steve lives on without his drivers and I survive without Ski Stunt Extreme.


Kelsey said...

ah, gotta love steve =)

Anonymous said...

Pretty good doesn't quite beat joes ski tip planting though:)