A Short Essay In Defense of the Common Viking

Note: This post was written by the viking in the CN staff. It is his plea for respect in a world of blondes and brunettes. If you do decide to leave a comment, make sure it's respectful; the viking is looking a tad Berserkish as he sharpens his horns.

Of all the misunderstood peoples in the history of the world, the common viking falls squarely at the top of the list. No group is more maligned, more persecuted or more snowed. Why is it that the Vikings were banished to the frozen north? Why is it that both vikings and devils have horns? Why are vikings caricatured as ridiculous looking Kirk Douglas clones, while Al Sharpton and his dead beaver escape without scratch or snip? It's apparent that that our culture suffers severely from vikophobia which means, according to Blacks Law Dictionary, an "irrational fear of vikings, those with common viking-like characteristics or both."

Clearly we have a bias against vikings and people with bad hairdos. Or did I just repeat myself? Some historians have speculated that the paltry hair is due to the tight hats and salty air which combines to form a concrete gel and produces a nasty case of horn hair. Other, more snide commentators, attribute ratty tops it to genetics.

Your history teacher may have told you that Norsemen were all vicious pillagers who killed innocent people. But historically, that isn't a fair characterization. Some of the vikings had to stay home and cook.

Even more unfair is the belief that Columbus discovered the New World - a belief that grants the viking no greater achievement than his pillaging exploits. But how do you think Leif Ericsson must have felt when Columbus took credit for all of his hard work? It's not every day that people discover new continents. Even more mocking is the fact that Columbus' wikipedia article is three times times the length of Leaf's. There oughta be a scandal!

Many people view vikings as smelly, rude, uncivilized brutes. Yet another example of unjustified vikophobia. While there were many Norsemen who were smelly, rude, and possibly uncivilized, it is not nice to call them names, such as "brutes." Those who refer to the Norsemen in such a manner are clearly paranoid, and paranoid beyond reason. This brings me to my plea.

After looking at these tragic examples of biasness and injustice, it is clear that our culture needs a wake-up call. We can no longer abuse and scorn the men from the north. So what can we do to help? First, we must tell others the truth - speak to our friends, family, and as the case may be, even our enemies. Second, we must write our local politicians and ask them to stop people who propagate viking myths, like Dik Browne and Big Idea.

Vikings are people too! Only once we defend the common viking, will the Norseman be free.