What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.

Monday, November 19, 2007

25 Things Your Janitor Wants You to Know

FCN recently received the following email:

"Can you please tell your readers not to clip their toenails during church? They always throw them under the pew, right where it is almost impossible to vacuum up."

Me and my fellow Janitors

Before going any further, let us tell you - please don't clip your toenails during church. But of course there's plenty more to being a janitor than just vacuuming clipped nails. Here's a few more helpful hints:

1. The belly of the table is not a good place to store gum.
2. Please, no indoor fires.
3. Stepping on trash actually makes the rubbish harder to deal with.
4. If it's beeping, ask for help before smashing.
5. Exploring is for the mountains, not the train station.
6. You don't know how to clean that up and you're getting underfoot.
7. Eat your ice cream over the tile.
8. Don't imagine no one will notice that you spilled tomato sauce on your beige cloth-padded chair.
9. I didn't even know that spot existed, and now you've gone and hidden a hymnal there.
10. Just flush already.
11. When it's closing time, get out of there.
12. Just because you smell smoke doesn't mean you're allowed to throw your beer at something.
13. Do I really have to ask you not to walk across the floor while it's being mopped?
14. There's no shame in being a janitor; you don't have to use terms like custodial technician, sanitation supervisor, domestic engineer, guest service associate, environmental services associate, or floor maintenance sanitation engineer.
15. When pouring the punch, a little caution goes a long way.
16. You won't get locked into the building.
17. Don't blame the janitor if there's no toilet paper. Blame the guy who came before you.
18. Spitting is not cool.
19. It's not hot either.
20. Landing near the trash can is hardly the same thing as landing inside it.
21. Do you really need five feet of paper towel to dry your hands?
22. Leaving notes to brighten the Janitor's day is self-defeating.
23. Waxed floors are slippery, Captain Stupid.
24. Keep your grubby hands out of the utility shed.
25. If you must clip your toenails during church, don't throw them on the floor where they're almost impossible to vacuum up.


Hank the Janitor said...

That is absolutely correct! We have a very important job and you should not be making our job harder!

adrialien said...

lol. i wish there were more janitors in this city! the westerners, at least, would sure appreciate them!

mommy g said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Thank you! We janitors need all we can get. :)

Ally Pie said...

If I were a janitor, spraying the whole can of air freshener in the bathroom would definitely be on my "don't even think about it" list.

mumble's the word said...

YES, it DOES take 5 feet of paper towel to dry hands! In fact, due to the incredible thinness of the paper towels in public restrooms, I have calculated that it takes approximately half a mile of paper towels to completely dry one's hands. Don't whine about 5 measly feet.

Anonymous said...

if you don't throw your toenail clippings under the pew where do you throw them?