Homies Plan B: Day 3: Party's Over

Apparently Mommy G had an internet connection off where she was vacationing. She got wind of Osiris' dastardly plot and moved with decisive action, cutting short her week-long break.

We woke up just three minutes before the scheduled doomsday to the sound of screeching tires. The front door was kicked open, then the door to the laundry room. We wandered downstairs, bleary eyed, but with our photon blasters at the ready. Actually I don't know what they were. Ever since Mommy G had left the house strange SciFi-looking weapons had popped up all over the place. I mean what's up with that?

Anyway, we cautiously approached the laundry room door and put our ears to the door, as little kids do when a sibling gets in trouble for something they did and they're listening to the interrogation. We heard sounds of a scuffle. Mommy G was panting and grunting with every swing of her spatula (we recognized the sound of its use with disturbing but familiar ease). Osiris was meowing, punching buttons, and occasionally jumping up on the cabinets to make appropriate remarks like: "Fool! You can never beat me!" or "A spatula? How quaint!"

After five minutes, we heard Osiris sigh wearily and say: "Well, you've forced me to do something I really don't want to do." Then came a low hum and the ground began to shake. We had three options:

1) Burst into the room and take sides.
2) Stick around.
3) Run for dear, sweet, precious, fragile life.

We dashed barefoot across the lawn to our car, leaving the titans locked in their epic struggle. We're not really clear on who won. We haven't received any word since we tore out of that section of town, leaving the smell of scorched rubber and our toiletries. So, because we don't know who is still alive, we would like to offer three conditional messages.

IF MOMMY G IS THE VICTOR, we believed in her from square one and salute her competent and well-planned handling of the criminal mastermind. Mommy G is a great heroine. We never doubted you, Mommy G!

IF OSIRIS IS THE VICTOR, we would like to add an addendum to Osiris' demands. We want all 11 of you to go the zazzle.com/funnyclassnotes* and buy something. Or. Else. We'll sic the cat on you. So yes. That.

IF THERE IS NO VICTOR, meaning the battle is still happening or someone got away, we are unavailable for comment at this time but will release a position statement as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience.