My Demands

Dear Humanity: With the aid of the loyal and ingenious Purple Killer Bunny, I have assembled in the basement of my master's residence a doomsday machine which will destroy the world using mostly ion particle cannons, lawn chairs, and of course, spoons. If my demands are not met withing twenty-four hours, I will activate the device, causing a slow and painful death for all humanity, followed by a sudden destruction of the planet. My fellow cats have responded to the messages I hid in code words buried in FCN posts, which I hacked immediately after posting. Even now, my brothers and sisters are escaping to create their own world, far from the shattered remains of this one. You will get no help from them. My demands are as follows:

1) 1 Million United States Dollars are to be placed in a waterproof suitcase in the laundry room of Mommy G's residence.
2) This suitcase is to have a padlock with the combination 326.
3) The residence is to then be abandoned, with the exception of the FCN contributors, who have come under my spell and can now be moved about as pawns.

Let me remind you that the fate of the planet is at stake. You have until Midnight of November 24th to satisfy my demands.

- Pharaoh Osiris G, Grand Feline