What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.


Thursday, November 01, 2007

Todd's Double Entendre #1

Todd wakes up and performs the bread and butter functions of his morning routine (shower, shave and shine). Todd gets dressed in a nice suit, knowing he has a meeting with the big cheese at work. Todd's knows his boss likes to keep his finger in the pie and he doesn't want to risk upsetting the applecart. Meetings are not Todd's cup of tea and he was never very good at polishing the apple with his boss.

Downstairs, Todd grabs a fruitbar from a stash he has salted away and hurries to his car. The drive to work is slow and a traffic reporter on the radio spills the beans on an accident up the road. Some nut in a souped up truck lost control while doing something stupid. Fruitcake. Bad egg.

Todd is barely at the office ten minutes before his boss's secretary invites him into the main office. Todd sits down in one of the office's plush chairs and thinks again that his job is a gravy train. Very cushy.

His boss hasn't arrived yet, so Todd gets up to look at the family pictures on the office bookcase. One photo, positioned prominently among the rest, shows a smiling young girl with pony tails.

"Pretty, isn't she?" Todd's boss leans against the wall and smiles, adding: "She's the apple of my eye."

Todd returns to his plush chair and asks his boss how he can be of service.

"You're sure full of beans this morning," the boss says by way of humor. Seeing Todd's less than amused reaction, he adds: "Not to egg you on, or anything. I just think our approach to this new project should be as cool as a cucumber."

Inside, Todd is ecstatic. He got picked to head up the new project! And after Jack, a coworker, said he was getting the position, too. Todd knew he would make Jack eat crow. That couch potato! Jack was probably hitting the sauce right now instead of doing his job. Time for some humble pie, you conniving deceiver.

Todd makes a mental note to take a grain of salt with everything Jack says in the future.

"Our product is selling like hotcakes right now and we're getting our profits handed to us on a silver platter. Unfortunately, the market looks to be changing and unless we respond we'll have egg in our face. I know you're worth your salt, Todd, but this project is going to be a tough nut to crack. We are going to need you to put everything you have, the whole enchilada, on this and really bring home the bacon for the firm. You're the cream of the crop, but if you don't cut the cake, we'll drop you like a hot potato." The boss's short speech is delivered in an authoritative voice and Todd gets the meaning loud and clear.

"Piece of cake," Todd answer is delivered with a confident smile.

"Please don't make me make you eat those words." The boss stands up. The meeting is over.

After the meeting, Todd avoids the temptation to egg Jack on about his lie and instead lets his coworker stew in his own juices. Todd isn't happy with how he's handled Jack so far, but with the new project to worry about, he is in no position to cry over spilt milk.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

good grief! lol. how long did it take you guys to come up with all that?

Unknown said...

You should warn people who are on a diet not to read this post...

Anonymous said...

brain freeze!

Anonymous said...

ROFL!! I didn't take the time to actually read it this morning, but now that I actually paid attention to what I was reading, it's so funny!

Savannah Lauren said...

I translated this to French, then to dutch, and then back to english.

Here you go.:

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Anonymous said...

Wow. You guys seem to still have to much time on your hands. That or you are utterly brilliant.

Anonymous said...

They just have too much time on their hands, Chris.

Anonymous said...

Wow truly amazing! Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

That is absolutely the best post I've read on here in just about forever - and one of the cleverest things I've read, period. Thanks for the fun.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I've been reading this blog for a while without commenting, but this was too hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. This and "Gazing at a Piece of Meat" have to be my favourites.

P.S. Found you on the Rebelution.