What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Life With Brothers

I'll go ahead and admit it right now. If it weren't for my brothers, I'd have no clue how to relate to guys. I'd also be much more uptight and organized. But let's face it... they've changed my life. I'd like to give you a little picture of what my life is like.

Note: These are all true incidents. I did not find this list online somewhere. It comes from actual events I have witnessed. In fact, the White-Out one happened yesterday.

White-Out is, in fact, quite permanent, but can be removed from skin with a generous amount of gasoline.

When inserted into a light switch, bobby pins can cause large sparks to appear, but will cause a minimal amount of damage to your person.

Sleeping bags can create large amounts of static electricity when they are ridden down a flight of stairs.

When children are given handcuffs, even play ones, it is wise to keep one of the keys in a safe place. Chances are, you'll need them later, and you'll be glad you kept them.

Do not tie a rope around your waist when jumping off a roof. Your mom will freak out about possible strangulation hazards.

"Magic Erasers" (Thank you Mr. Clean!) can usually remove permanent marker artwork from glass and antique wood. However, walls and carpet are a completely different story.

Even washable markers love flat paint.

Moms don't like silly putty. Carpet does.

Never forget to put flour in your cookie dough. Ever.

Regular table salt will stay in your hair for a while, it sticks to your scalp and can get a little itchy.

When launching water balloons out a second story window using a heavy-duty two-person slingshot, (boy is this fun!) make sure you clear the house of the across-the-street neighbor. That way, even though your mom will be mad, your dad will be so impressed that you'll get off pretty easily.

Stuffed animals placed on the blades of a ceiling fan can fly for long distances. It really is fun, just make sure you secure any breakables within a 30 ft. radius.

If all the kids in your family change places at a restaurant, the waitress really won't appreciate it.

Especially if you repeat the process every 5 minutes.

Don't keep a journal. No matter how often you change the hiding spot, it WILL be found.

If you try hard enough, it is possible to convince certain siblings that a major holiday has been cancelled for the year. Don't do this in front of your parents.

Large stereo systems and cranky neighbors do not mix.

Do not use anything living as a football. Especially a sibling.

"Lifetime" plastic folding tables make great slides, and also make you a walking talking shocking machine. Beware of touching any metal objects for at least 15 minutes.

When using Nerf guns:

Do not shoot your mom while she's talking on the phone. Especially when she's on the phone with your dad.

If you decide to shoot chandeliers, and the bullet sticks, don't worry. It will come down in a few days. Don't bother shooting other bullets at it to knock it off. And don't make a smiley face with the bullets either.

If you lick the bullets to make them stick better, they will leave a smudge mark on glass.

War movies are 10 times better when you can use a Nerf gun to shoot the enemy on the screen.

When having a Nerf gun war, ask younger siblings (the ones that aren't allowed to participate) to spy for you. This will make your enemies mad, so only do it when you have little risk of getting caught.

The bullets that come with the "Sniper" Nerf guns leave a mark on skin even when used from a distance, and at close range, it can be quite painful.

Never aim a Nerf gun at your own face. I have seen many people make this mistake. You never know when it is loaded, and apparently it really hurts when you get shot from 6 inches away. Not only does your face hurt, your pride is severely damaged.


Rachel said...

Oh, wow. You guys must have so much fun!

Mrs. L said...

This is why boys should be raised on farms or ranches - far, far away from the civilized world...

Jonathan said...

Electricity is much more fun with low amps (low risk) and high volts (good sparks, etc.), such as what is produced from a 12 Volt car battery and a magneto.

Gasoline is a petroleum based solvent. It works great on all kinds of oils, and a lot of plastics. It even gets silly putty out of carpet (if you can get past Mom with the gas can)!

Oh, and if you plan to use petroleum products and electricity simultaneously, make sure you use Kerosene (not regular gas or diesel, which would blow your head off as soon as look at you), and a fuse. Black powder caps for muzzle loaders blow up nicely, too.

Jare and Lib said...

Man some of those sound like my house, there are 5 boys here, all under the age of 13.

Gosh you got me laughing, I have to show my mom this.


Jare and Lib said...

Also, if you lend your pillow to a brother for a pillow fight, You will Not get it back. I haven't had my pillow for 3 days now.


Karen said...

Libby did indeed pass this on to me, and I had a good laugh (particularly over the not-shooting-your-mom-when-she's-on-the-phone-with-dad part!). Very funny stuff.

Lib, we'll find your pillow. We will.

Mom of 8 (5 of whom are...boys)

The Reluctant Dragon said...

Wait a minute... Which of those were supposed to be exclusive to brothers? I think I've more of the stuff on that list than my brothers have. =D

jacob said...

Do not use anything living as a football. Especially a sibling.--my bro should have it read this ages ago:):)

you can call me batman said...

This is brilliant! I'm totally going to try that war movie one... lol. Plus, on the Bobbypin-electrical outlet one, butter knives work as an excellent substitute.

Watering plants is way more fun with a Super-Soaker.

You guys forgot to put Sleeping on your poll.

Anonymous said...

I demand a follow up on sisters! They can be just as much *fun*! :)
Loved this - although I don't have any brothers I DO have cousins.....

Jillian Jett said...

Yeah, after living 4 days with my 9 cousins, I really get it. Lol, have to email this to them!