Instascum*

Are you sick of boring pets like cats and dogs and hamsters and snakes?

Then boy do we have the creatures for you! Instascum® will get you playing in no time with our all-natural protozoa. All you have to do is take the little baggy** of Instascum® and pour it into a glass of water.

Our biodegradable Instascum® grows faster than any other instant protozoa mix. This wonderful combination of dirt and mud will give your pond scum the nutrients they need to grow into big and healthy microorganisms!***

Buy your Instascum® today!

* No, we never thought we would stoop so low as to advertise on our site, but yes, we have. Just remember, this is so we can buy our mothers good Christmas presents.

**Putting bag over mouth may cause suffocation.

*** Although Instascum® is completely biodegradable, eating it may cause side affects such as nausea and vomiting. Besides, it’s just totally gross to eat dirt. If you feel the urge to consume mud, we suggest you get serious help. And quick. By the way, FCN is not responsible for anything stupid you do with Instascum®. Like putting in you bed, or pouring it on your electric dryer. And yes, the scum die if you cook them in the oven.