John “Plastic Dough-Boy” Edwards Announces His Candidacy for President.
Although the drama was botched by his campaign people who put the announcement up on the “Official Website” a day early, Edwards is bringing his ultra-white Colgate GrinTM and other accoutrements to the Democrats. After doing the obligatory talk show and TV rounds, the prettiest face on Capital Hill made the announcement from New Orleans wearing a brand new pair of Levi's. Edwards has no known relatives in Louisiana, does not currently represent anyone in the Bayou State and has done little for the region as a Senator. He nonetheless chose New Orleans as the place to state his candidacy. Edwards quintessential political philandering and trial lawyer looks got him the VP slot last election cycle. He hopes to improve on that performance in 2008.
Harry Reid Has More Important Things To Do Than Attend Presidential Funerals.
Incoming Senate Majority Leader Harry “Casino Harry” Reid will miss Gerald Ford's funeral and attend the Machu Picchu Inca ruins instead. Stating that “because the Incas have been dead longer” they deserve first priority, Reid will join five other Senators in publicly snubbing the former President, who can no longer speak to defend himself.
Iraqi Leaders Get Cold Feet on Hussein Execution.
Citing hypertension and acid reflux, several officials in the Iraqi “interim” government have publicly declared that the former dictator and convicted mass murder may be kept alive for longer than the mandated 30-day execution window. Officially, the excuse is a “misunderstanding” in the death penalty statute (some wonder how dead Hussein has to be in order to satisfy the court's mandate) and the perpetrator of the Dujail killings may have to wait 'till February to receive his sentence.[1]
Wikipedia To Compete Against Google.
The encyclopedia king is taking on the search king with a new search engine titled WikiaSari (pronounced wi-kee-sorry, which is what they'll be in a year and a half). Like Wikipedia, this search engine will be maintained by angels in heaven and be rife with controversy. Even Jimmy Wales, the founder of Wiki, admits that few will use it; he just likes the logo. [2]
Footnotes.
1. When Hussein heard the news, he did something involuntary.
2. A search for “Hussein” on WikiaSari reveals “0” results. Wales has a ways to go.
2 comments:
I can't wait to read your announcement for Hillary.
Your site is hilarious. Keep up the good work =D
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