SACRAMENTO, CA -- The music superstore and audio giant, Tower Records, never does plan to close its doors and revealed in a post Christmas interview that the “whole bankruptcy thing” is a ploy to attract customers. Russ Solomon, the founder of the retail music chain, spoke with FCN by phone about the seemingly perpetual slide toward shutting the doors forever. Here are some excerpts:
FCN: Tower Records is not endangered?
Russ Solomon: “Tower is actually doing just fine right now. I had a look at the 'other set' of books this morning and the company is turning a huge profit; the creditors are happy. Online sales have never been better. We are even considering a stock dividend.”
FCN: So why go out of business?
Solomon: “Every other audio business right now is struggling to stay afloat. The retail side of the music industry has never been so hard, what with all the Chinese pirates and the lack of a good single from Madonna in twenty years. Music Box is starting to go under, the formerly solid Audio Whirl is starting to have trouble and even Wal-Mart is thinking twice about continuing to force its underpaid workers to stock the music shelves. Times are tough.”
FCN: Speaking of stocking the shelves, we've noticed at our local Tower Records store that the actual stock shelves are being sold, light fixtures are being hawked off, even the cash registers are for sale. Every movable part of the store is being taken away. Do you see selling capital as a long-term business strategy?
Solomon: “Only until Audio Whirl goes under. [Chuckles maniacally]. Actually, that helps give our employees and customers the impression that the end is near, when in reality we are ordering new light fixtures, shelves and cash registers as quickly as our recovering credit will allow.”
FCN: If the industry is so competitive, why continue to fight?
Solomon: “I talked with a young man the other day, couldn't have been older than you, who explained to me with the most earnest eyes that if Tower truly ever did go under, he would have to return to illegally downloading music. Besides Tower, the Internet was the only place he could find musical solace. That's not acceptable. The music junkies of this world need to have a suitable discount outlet where they can buy the industries latest drivel without stealing it through peer-2-peer networks. Though we're a little devious, we provides that outlet.”
FCN: Why are Tower Record's employees unaware of this ploy?
Solomon: “To reveal such sensitive corporate secrets to the grunts and underlings who do the sweat work for Tower would be tantamount to publishing our dirty little secret in the New York Times. We'd be ripped to shreds. Can you imagine what the Al Frankens of the world would say about big business? The reputation of every hard working entrepreneur would be tarnished. The only way this tactic will be effective is if we attain absolute secrecy.”
FCN: Is the ploy working?
Solomon: “Is it working? Is it working? Look kid, the last four months have seen our cash flow sky rocket. Audio Whirl is losing money and we're gaining market share against Music Box. We are even in the market to purchase Kazaa and LimeWire to complete our music domination. Is it working...”
FCN: One more question and we'll let you go. Why reveal the secret now? With such a great opportunity to monopolize the music industry, what motivates you to reveal the truth about Tower?
Solomon: “I am not really revealing anything...This is off the record, right?”
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