What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.


Friday, October 05, 2007

FCN Tales: Cinderella according to N.

Well guys, if I remember correctly, the tale goes like this. One upon a time there was a girl named Cinderella who lived with her widowed father. She was a wonderful and enchanting girl who loved to dance, smell roses, and take trips to the mall. She lived a happy life; she was good at sports, worked on computer programming, and even enjoyed psychology. She also liked stamp collecting. And she had a sheep.

Tragically, Cindy's happiness was not to last. Over time, her dad felt she needed a mother, and married a nasty lady who turned Cinderella's heart to ice. To her horror, her new stepsisters were as bad they looked. Just when Cinderella thought things couldn't get any worse, her father took a vacation to Scotland, never to return. Unfortunately, this meant Cinderella was stuck living with her evil plastic-surgery-obsessed step mother and two step sisters.

Poor Cinderella. Day in, day out, her new "family" forced her to perform menial tasks such as taking out the garbage and scrubbing the floor of her sisters' Chinese massage parlor. Apparently under all that pressure poor Cinderella snapped and started hallucinating about singing mice. In fact, Cinderella became so unstable she even developed a complex and started to have dreams about nuts.

Eventually, the abuse became so severe that (according to some sources), she developed a bipolar disorder. Her sanity continued to deteriorate until one day, the miraculous happened. The Prince announced that he would be having a ball in his castle to find his perfect bride - and to the great happiness of Cinderella, all the girls in the Kingdom were invited.

But alas, it was not to be. Her evil sisters tore apart her mouse-made clothes, and left for the ball without her. Cinderella cried and sat grimly in her room with nothing to comfort her but hallucinogenic mice.

But for those concerned with happy endings, that was not the end of the tale. Fortunately, her fairy godfather showed up just in time to magically (hallucinogenicly?) produce a beautiful dress and pair of glass slippers. But, like all happy, warm and fuzzy things, there was a twist. She was required to return before midnight, or the spell and her dreams would turn to ashes.

She arrived at the ball and completely entranced the prince, who vowed to himself that he will stay by her side forever. Unfortunately, she was so entranced with him that she lost track of the time, and didn't realized that the spell was about to run out until minutes before 12:00. She ran away as fast as a cheetah, leaving one of her slippers behind.

The prince was so desperate to find Cinderella that he ordered his aides to try the shoe on every girl in the country. Day after day, they traveled all the roads in the country, searching for the right foot. Within time, they came to Cinderella's house, tried the shoe on her trembling foot, and to the joy of both Cinderella and the Prince, found it fit! She was immediately released from her captivity and sent to see the prince. After the evil step sister's eyes were poked out by ravens, the Prince and Cinderella were quickly married.

Even though Cinderella's mousy hallucinations continued, the two lived happily ever after.

16 comments:

sniperwatchyourhead said...

She is sooooo weird.

Anonymous said...

..So next time you decide you want to be in a fairy tell...

Cindy said...

Those nasty insignificant others just HAD to use every other good plot they could think of so you would have 0=zero left...
My mice and I are at your disposal,

~Cindy

Anonymous said...

That was the best one yet!

Kat said...

I think that she was hallucinogenic...Who can deny the facts?

Anonymous said...

Many a time have I wondered what the true facts were on the story of Cinderella. I agree completely with Kat.

Christopher Yerziklewski said...

Wow, looks like you took the whole "add more links" idea very literally. Funny stuff though. You guys rock.

Kat said...

Defiantly, I LOVED the links.

adrialien said...

Great story! I think the "N" should post more often!

Anonymous said...

Fast paced and well linked! Gotta love those mice.

Captain Wentworth said...

A fair story. Quite enjoyable.

Anonymous said...

Wow, thats a lot of links. I liked the story, accurate (with hallucinations ;)), and well-linked.

Anonymous said...

A non magical solution you have to like that.

Kez said...

dude! I grew up near Cinderella City...the mall link. I always thought it was cool...

The Hallucinogenic Mouse Queen said...

* sings * Cinderelly! Cinderelly! Cinderelly! * quits *

Yay! You got the eyes poked out by ravens!

~The Hallucinogenic Mouse Queen

A City in Germany said...

It was really great, BTW. Glad you took care of...previous problems.