What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

FCN Tales: Cinderella according to C.

Author's note: When I was asked to create my rendition of the popular fairy tale, I thought the task would be easy. I waltzed (1-2-3,1-2-3) over to my computer, sat down in front of my keyboard and stared at the faded letter markings something like the way Napoleon Dynamite stares at nachos. I drew a complete blank. What in the world was the story of Cinderella all about? I kept thinking about Cinderella teams in March Madness and Cinderella Man, a great movie with Russel Crowe that has nothing to do with a lost slipper. In the end, I had to do a little online research to discover the common mistelling of this sad tragedy. The real version follows...

Once upon a time, in a land whose longitude and latitude place it in close proximity with our own, there lived a girl named Cinderella. Cinderella was a happy girl, full of life, joyous attitude and a humble spirit. She had many friends and could talk with animals. She could also knit. She had all the material things she wanted. Dresses, shoes, shawls, delicious food, comfy beds, as well as every home amenity she could imagine would provided without question. Her mother doted on her and, more than just providing for her material needs, made Cinderella her favorite.
Most people end the story here, but I think every good narative needs a little catharsis.
You see, Cinderella had two sisters. They weren't as pretty as Cinderella and were prone to letting their vile personalities get the better of them. They were ugly people, inside and out. Vile and ugly.
But Cinderella got the first pick of everything in the house and left only scraps to her mean sisters. Sometimes Cinderella wondered if this witholding of material goods served to perpetuate her sisters' mean spiritedness, but Cinderella didn't worry about this long enough to let the stress strain her pretty features. In fact, there is very little she worried about. But back to the catharsis.
One day the village tradesman brought some new dresses to Cinderella's home. As we know, many girls get very excited at the thought of a new dress and Cinderella was no different. The Prince was putting on a ball and had invited all the young maidens to come dancing. (Cinderella, if you recall, was a young maiden).
Cinderella smiled and laughed when she first heard of the ball, but inside she was worried. The Prince was a vile man who, with his meager leadership skills, had brought the kingdom to the brink of economic ruin. Vile and ugly. Cinderella could never go to a ball hosted by a vile man.
Then Cinderella saw the slippers. No fairy godmother could have produced a pair of shoes so divine or so pretty. Cinderella knew that if she didn't go to the ball, one of her sisters would wear the shoes and be admired for their beauty. So Cinderella grudgingly agreed to go, even if the ball was hosted by a vile man.
The day of the ball arrived and all was in readiness for a big celebration. Nobody knew what they were celebrating, but everyone was in such happy spirits that nobody really cared. Even the vile people looked decent beneath the twirling lights and the soft dance beats from Cascada.
When Cinderella entered the ballroom at the palace, a hush fell. Everyone stopped in mid-sentence and mid-step to admire her elegance, her beauty and grace. But wait. Cinderella noticed that they weren't looking at her; they were gazing at her slippers. The divine footwear was attracting everyone's attention.
"Look at me! I'm the real show," Cinderella wanted to call. But nobody seemed to notice; they just kept on talking and pointing at her feet.
The ball was miserable for Cinderella. The punch was too sweet, the music unimaginative (it was Cascada, afterall), the slippers gave her a blister and the Prince, the vile Prince, called her a "fair maiden," kissed her hand and danced with her several times during the evening. Yuck!
After one of the Prince's more aggressive advances, Cinderella fled from the Palace. But not before she threw one of her slippers in the vile man's direction with all her princessly might! The more time passed, the less keen Cinderella was becoming on the aristocracy.
The Prince, who felt he was now irreperably and madly in love with Cinderella, picked up the thrown slipper and ordered his underlings to find the owner that he might claim "that fair maiden" as his wife.
With efficiency and speed unbecoming a bureaucratic worker, an underling quickly located Cinderella and found that the slipper fit exactly right. A civil marriage ceremony was performed within the hour and Cinderella was hitched for life to the vile Prince.
The vile Prince made Cinderella do all the dishes and housework. He dressed her in rags and took away her other fancy slipper. He even made her clean out the chimney, which covered our poor herione with cinders and earned her the name by which we now call her. Cinderella's life was miserable after that ball, all because she refused to share her slippers.


Christopher Yerziklewski said...

Haha, way to turn a good, happy fairytale into a sad story. Nice.

Team Cheese said...

That was...well...wow. I am DEFINITELY seeing a difference between the two writing styles. But nice story. I enjoyed it. It's always nice to hear the same story told different ways...VERY different ways.

adrialien said...

LOL! That was certainly very different...rather refreshing, actually

Trevor said...

Different. But I like it more -- a lot more.

A City in Germany said...

Hmmm...whatever. A refreshing change, but it could have been a bit more imaginative....

@Team Cheese: You mean, different stories that follow the same basic line of having a ball, with the same two main characters?

A City in Germany said...

As a side note, I can't believe you actually cut-and-pasted some of that from your "research." I would have expected that from a different...uh...contributer.

Kat said...

It was different. In a good way. Sometimes I think we all need some nice, sad "humor". Thanks guys, I really needed that. And I'm not joking. It made me feel better.

Anonymous said...

Awarded best out of the three.