Why its OK to give liberals the pass

Warning: The content of this post is unintentionally mature. If you are mature, please read on. If you are unsure of your maturity, but are deathly curious, there isn't anything this paragraph can say to stop you, so read on. If you are immature, find a mature friend or parent to read the post first and, after the reader has sullied his mind or corrupted her heart with the vile contents, you may weigh the value of reading on.

And don't feel lonely, you can always check out today's Life Tip!

Those of you who have taken a break from your busy class schedule to peek at the news may have noticed a slightly alarming, politically delicious and highly concupiscent episode involving a duly elected United States Senator, an airport and a men's restroom.

If you aren't up to speed, let's just say that the honorable Senator was caught doing some perverted and illegal things in the bathroom and that the evidence against him was so strong that he plead guilty to the resulting misdemeanor charge without much of a fight. The honorable Senator than tried to remove his guilty plea and his request was denied. The honorable Senator is now trying to remove his guilty plea on appeal. The newspapers are loving it, bloggers are making hay of the story and every passing day has the image and reputation of Larry Craig dragged further through the mud.

The story of Larry Craig is one that seems more at place in a cheap paperback novel then on the front pages of such widely read publications as the New York Times. Or did I just repeat myself?

Regardless, the point is that anytime you have an elected politician soliciting anything other than votes in a public restroom, you also have a great deal of eyebrow raising.

Or do you?

I certainly raise my eyebrows when I hear these kinds of stories. I also lean forward, purse my lips and squint my eyes, all nonverbal expressions of titillation and interest. But if you are like most Americans, you only really care about sex scandals when they impugn a conservative leader.

No, it's true.

Consider Hugh Grant, an outspoken critic of former PM Tony Blair, who was caught misbehaving lewdly a few years ago. Grant took care of the "problem" by apologizing on Leno and then starring in a bunch of big budget movies. In fact, unless you have a photographic memory for news - one that can recall stories like this from thirteen years ago - you forgot all about GrantGate.

Or, more politically, openly homosexual congressman Barney Frank was at the center of a prostitution ring while serving as a Democrat representative from Massachusetts. When the scandal broke and the skeleton came waltzing out of Frank's closet, the politician did what politicians do best and easily sidestepped the problem. Only he did so by challenging his opponents to explain why his actions were wrong and defiantly defended his ties with prostitution. Frank continues to serve today.

Or consider Ang Lee and Tom Brady, a movie director and a sports star who's relationship dalliances are overshadowed by their liberal politics.

At the same time, conservative leaders like Clarence Thomas, Newt Gingrich, Mark Foley and Ted Haggard have had their voices eliminated or substantially tarnished by the allegations of sexual misconduct that have been levied against them.

Some would look at this disparity and become concerned with the apparent double standard in contemporary politics, but FCN sees this another way.

Standing for liberal ideologies is a great way to expunge crimes of indiscretion. Said differently, a host of moral sins are forgiven by support for the environment or advocating redistributing wealth to the poor. If you mess up, no matter how egregious the mistake, find a liberal cause to espouse and all will be made right.

This approach to justification gives people an out. Instead of having to suffer through the conviction of untreated iniquity, the sinner can search out some liberal pet project to support. And remember to stay consistent, because a relapse into conservativism invites criticism for your wayward behavior.

If you ever get caught in an insidious sin, deride the military or blame a conservative; you'll get out of the jam every time. Guaranteed.

So Larry Craig, burn in torment for your actions, you pervert. But rock on Barney Frank.