Aviso: Muestra de Boleta

I just received the Sample Ballot for my first ever Presidential Primary and it came with a big surprise. No, it's not that Tom Tancredo is the first GOP candidate listed or that Alan Keyes made the ballot. Nor is it that the Sample Ballot arrived before any of the candidate's campaign solicitation. Rather, I was shocked to learn that I will have a say in the Mexican election.

It's true. Written in large letters on the front of the ballot are the words "ELECCION PRIMARIA PRESIDENCIAL," which, roughly translated from Latino, means "Mexican Presidential Election." Then, in clear and bold Chicano, the rest of the very femininely colored document provides guidelines for voting (how to leave a hanging chad and how to vote if you are dead). Even the name of the county (San Joaquin) is written in Spanish.

This is amazing! Mexican workers have long had a say in our elections, now we get to meddle in theirs; with this election, Californians control the political destiny of our neighbor to the south.

But who should I vote for? Fox had a great mustache, but Calderon has that weasel face that many politicians wish for but only a precious few ever achieve. Eww, yes! Neither of them are remarkably handsome, although Fox might lay claim to some Clark Gable similarities and Calderon could be mistaken for an Enron executive. Oh what a tough decision! Maybe I should do what the average American does and just not vote.

But my civic duty calls. The neighbors to the south need my input. Not voting would be a betrayal, a declaration of anarchy. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, even the country that is turning our borders into mince meat and our sovereignty into ash. So I must vote.

It seems as if every election gives me the opportunity to vote for a foreigner. First there was Schwarzenegger who was born in the land of weight room and then came Jerry McNerney, my congressional representative, who, last I checked, hailed from the planet Mars. Even if I turn to the English part of the ballot (where the Cali side of Mexifornia gets its say), there are a series of propositions designed by "Native" - because they were here first - gaming interests. Goodness people, whatever happened to the soft, overweight, white, English speaking, male politician?

Give me Duke Cunningham and Jack Abramoff any day.

So I'll be brushing up on my Spanish as well as Mexican current events over the next few weeks in order to preparo for el Super Tuesday eleccion. A lot of work, I know. On the plus side, now I have something in common with everyone else on my street.