A Public Apology to Em

There are many different levels of journalistic excellence. Each one stipulatse a host of different behaviors. Some publications require careful peer review of every jot and tiddle. Others refuse to print news that would place people or countries in danger. Others require that everything printed by fact-checked. Others simply ask their writers not to blatantly fabricate facts that they'll get burned on later.

Well, FCN has no such standards, and in a recent post, we misquoted Em. Okay, we didn't just misquote her. We arbitrarily put words in her mouth. We didn't even ask her for her opinion. We didn't even give her the chance to say something we could use. We didn't take that risk. We just openly fabricated an interaction with her and posted it, knowing full well she'd probably read the post and burn us on it.

Well, guess what. She read the post and burned us on it. She totally aggravated the author of the post in question by refusing to dance with him last weekend. In the ensuing argument, she made him promise to do the following:

1) Not embarrass her again on FCN.
2) Not post a public apology the next Monday.
3) Repent.

Well, all three of those stipulations just got broken, and we just want to say publicly: Em, we're really, really sorry about putting words in your mouth and lying to you like twenty times in one weekend. Our misrepresentations and deceits rank among the most banal ever put together by media publishers. They are worse than the fabrications of Jayson Blair and make Steven Glass look like an amateur. They are right on par with Jimmy's World and Gary Hart's "go ahead and follow me." Next time will be better. Honest. Unless we forget, or unless it's a Thursday, or unless we recently had chocolate or anyone in the room is wearing green.

In addition, we publicly commit to do the following:

1) Not embarrass Em again on FCN.
2) Not post a public apology next Monday.
3) Repent.
4) Hold ourselves to the highest possible standard of journalistic excellence, including peer review and actual interviews with people.
5) Unless we forget, or unless it's a Thursday, or unless we recently had chocolate or anyone in the room is wearing green.

Please forgive us, Em. Please?