Foolishness by Which Many Problems Arrive

This is an email we received from an address with no @ symbol. We can't, for the life of us, find anything funny in it, but we're so desperate for new content that we're going to post it anyway.

I who am called Za Zulu Za'agi have been watching you in your lives and have understood much but have also found many things which are not understood. Your lives in which you live have many problems which if you ponder over them can be solved. I have seen that pondering over them is something you do not do, so for the sake of your betterment I shall speak.

Your culture has a machine by which McDonald's it answers. It is a machine by which you eat, but the food it feeds causes much sadness and makes bellies to grow large. So I say to you: McDonald's is a machine from which you must not eat. It is a machine with many temptations by which the eater can be fooled into eating things which are not good, for instance, salads are sold on large posters for the eaters to see. But upon entering the machine, the eater no longer wishes after a salad, and only a hamburger is the thing the eater wishes. Hamburger is a dangerous machine by which much harm is caused.

I who am called Za Zulu Za'agi have been watching after you who write on the website called FunnyClassNotes.Com and have seen many things in which you have erred. Also I have found that wisdom is something you do not have, and that all that you do is foolishness by which sadness is caused. I have observed those after which you have pined and by this have been confused. I who am called Za Zulu Za'agi understand those who are called women and they are machines about which I can help.

You must speak to women like equal machines or much destruction will be caused. Whatever occurs to your mind, that is what you must speak. Instead of this, you who are called Cody and also you who are called Desperate Student choose to be subtle and the women flee. Women are not machines by which subtlety is appreciated. If you wish to capture them, bold is the thing you must be. Your thoughts at all times is what women must know.

Many other things also have I seen and understood, and in time my counsel on these matters will also be received. At this time, I leave you, so on these matters you can ponder. At another time, with more counsel will I return.