What does the world cost? Oh well, then we'll just take a small coke.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Of Females and Football

We received the following in an email, accompanied by a quaint message reminding us that we have more female friends than just our moms. Thanks girls!

It was the day of the big game. Superbowl number XCBMLCZII or whatever had arrived at last. The room was divided into many factions, those rooting for the Bears, those cheering for the Colts, and those that were simply there to watch the commercials – ie, the females. Now don't think us to be utterly disinterested in the spirit of the event. We dove right in amongst our male counterparts and upped the bets about what we were about to see. Namely, which company would have the first advertisement after kick off. (I, a female, won with the bet of Budwiser against such lucrative entries as Pepsi and Miller.)

The thrills of the game had us all captivated (ok, so it was just that we had nothing better to do) as Peyton Manning lead the Colts to victory and earned the MVP award for himself. At least that's what the guys told me. I had long before escaped to the relaxing haven of my room with some softly playing music, cuddly stuffed animals, and a lovely novel. But something about that glorious day stayed with me (and I'm not talking about the smell the guys left after their own reenactment of the game.) And so today, not quite two weeks later, and right after the girliest holiday ever invented by Hallmark, I made a momentous decision.

I was tired of love, chocolates, delicate roses and mushy cards, and decided to demonstrate my inner guy. Ladies and gentlemen, today, I played football. ::cue Rocky theme::

Yes! It was glorious, it was painful, powerful, it was dirt-and-grass-stains, make-your-mother-wonder-what-in-heck-happened-to-you, overkill the use of the hyphen, downright manish. And then, when we females joined, it became a lovely time of intricate footwork as we played two-hand touch.

Soon the air was filled with the noises of groans (from the few guys who decided that tackling someone for making a touchdown was the appropriate formality to bestow), "hut-huts" and "hikes," with an occasional "blitz!," "hail-marys" and (slightly higher pitched) "what the heck is going on?"

Finally, after much patience and fortitude, we were able to understand this complex world of football. All you need to do (so the guys told us) is to catch the ball, and run either toward the trees on one side of the field, or the concrete sidewalk on the other which served as the end zones. After about 30 minutes of broken nails and sprained fingers, a talented girl was lucky enough to catch and, here's the shocker, hold onto the ball! "Pumped" (that's a manly term) by her success she bravely followed the directions to a T and sped her way to the side walk which resulted in highlighting a shortcoming of the what the males had told us. They had forgotten to mention which way to run with the ball. Thankfully, her own team was able to tackle her before she scored for the other team.

The males, being very gracious, time and time again passed the ball to us faltering females, never giving up on the hope that at least one time we would be able to dodge the opposition instead of running around in circles crying "I finally caught it!"

By the end of the game, we were tired, a little dusty, and had used up all of the memory on our digital cameras, but we had at long last learned the one essential of football – stick to the commercials.


CountryGoalie said...

You know, football is one of the few sports that I don't particularly care to play with the males. Well, I don't particularly care to play it at all, actually.

Ghosts in the Graveyard, basketball, capture the flag, manhunt, eccentrically-spiked-and-in-your-face volleyball, prisoner's base, soccer... I'll take just about anything. Except football. It's the oddest thing.

Oh, yeah, and ultimate frisbee.

I at least understand ultimate frisbee, though. I just don't like it. Hmm.

Christopher Yerziklewski said...

I wasn't sure if you'd post this or not. I think it's pretty darn funny.

Christopher Yerziklewski said...

One more thing. Just to defend my reputation, I actually won the bet on which commercial would be first after the kick off. I am not a lady. Just wanted to correct that little error.

Vevy said...


jesse sloan said...

My, my. I'm a girl and I understand and play football. It's not THAT hard! And it's more fun playing tackle, . . . barefooted, . . . on the cement, . . . or concrete. :D

jesse sloan said...

, . . . or a muddy field!!!

CountryGoalie said...

Pssh, Jesse, come on. Mud beats all, no matter what sport you happen to be playing!

Smurph said...

I have tried, and I just don't get football. I'm slowly starting to, and I always watch the superbowl, but it doesn't interest me much. And I've never played. ^^ Yeah, soccer, basketball...
Plus there's hockey playoffs here.